Journey to the Centre of the Plot, or, Hey Verne! 5:8 Liveblogged

[captainsblog]

Aw Christmas, is that Amy out of the time sequence again? Wait. No. This production does go through a ton of henna, though.

I've got a bad feeling about this- a British company drilling.

And there goes camera 1, 2, 3 and up next on DDP4,....

Dude, looking over the abyss? ALONE?!? You're wearing an orange vest. Which is looking more every moment like a red shirt.

May 22- Take Your Workers To The Bottomless Pit and Leave Them There Day!

Well, he's toast. Let's have some opening credits, shall we?

Chibnall? Have I seen any of his? (Hers?)

TARDIS. Wine break.

Okay. That WAS her. And sheesh, Aims, haven't you learnt anything about not crossing the streams yet? Crossing the streams is... bad.

"I love a big mining thing." All over the Whoniverse, the signs and moans of slash are heard.

Two months salary, huh, Ror? Can't have it out in the galaxy where, maybe, one of these aliens could make her a bigger diamond by crushing it in their arse.

How'd that hole get there? I blame it on Obama.

And it's NOT future Amy. Doctor, you're giving me a migraine!

Am I the only one getting annoyed by that "A" necklace? Is that her initial, her companion grade, or is there some Scarlet Lettering implicit here?

"No, that's recent." Really? I'm sure I'll hear about some I through X bad habits.

The drilling company paying no attention to the man from the government? Sounds about right.

Mmmm, smoke monster. Oops, wrong convoluted series.

Run! At least Amy's not pregnant this time.

Doesn't that screwdriver work on quicksand monsters?

Sure, NOW he tries.

"She's dead, Jim."

Are Brit CIDS associated with tea and biscuits like ours are with donut shops?

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!

The ground wanted her. But did it cause the fumble?

A-ha! The old bioprogramming in the dirt trick!

"You're not making any sense." Eight episodes in and you're just getting that?

"Why do I still hear drilling?" Um, maybe there's a dental surgery down there?

"That's not possible." What, you didn't hear the Baker Street Irregular three minutes back?

Blue grass means stay away? Well, so much for that trip to Kentucky I was planning.

And....they're....drilling....sayit....

UP.  (It may not make sense but it's getting a lot more predictable.)

Tunneling! It's hortas! Just put NO KILL I on your psychic paper and beam in Spock to have some horny silicon slash with them!

They're here in 12 minutes, he says at 17:45. Time to test if BBC time is the same as the rest of television time and they'll be here two minutes before the thrilling conclusion.

Oh, sure, I always carry a slingshot in my pants just in case there are TWO scary aliens to deal with.

Nine and a half minutes, he says at 18:58. Cheap bastards.

"I need you alongside me." "SLASSSSSSSH! SLASHSLASHSLASHSLASH." "Um, Doctor, I think they're talking about us."

Scanners!

Look at all those initials in the door. Haven't I had enough in barely 20 minutes to not have to process a Whitnail reference?

Motion sensors, security lights. What, no glassbreaks or window contacts? If you'd just paid your bloody monitoring bill on the TARDIS, none of this would be happening now!

(Wife used to work in home security. Oh, and I mentioned the TARDIS again. More wine. It does seem to help.)

Why has Rory got a hockey puck in his mouth?

And six minutes have gone by in four of screentime. I hate you people.

"No weapons." "Aw, can I least keep the cricket bat." "Oh, fine, might be fun for Rory and me SLASHSLASHSLASHSLASHSLASH."

"No question." Didn't you hear the bit last time about NOT MAKING PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP??

OHPLZNO, not a "five minutes before the world ends I get to fuck ya" scene. We just saw that in Dogma last weekend!

00:00  OH HAI!

"Don't diss the Sonic!"

"Cwmtaff" sounds unbelievably dirty.

Oh shit, the kid's name is Ellll-i-otttttt? So either he's going to bond with the aliens or get caught shagging them on government time.

The Sonic doesn't work on wood, but that's got to be a metal lock and I've SEEN it open ancient locks. Oh, right, preservationists got a restraining order against any damage to the initials.

So what now? "It's 106 light years to Gallifrey, we have a TARDIS full of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." "HIT IT!"
(The wine again, obviously....)

"I know who they are!" Well, thanks for the clue-in there!

And now anticipating yet another fucking line from Dogma, Alan Rickman, yet: Agh! Sweet Jesus, did you have to use the whole can?

It's a Gorgon!

Amy wakes up in the middle of a Roy Lichtenstein painting.

"No gas, no gas!" WHAT DIED IN HERE?!?

Mmmmm, a Gorgonette.

No, she IS a freakin Horta. We attacked THEM. And DPP is blaming its Swiss subsidiary for the whole damn thing.

"I'll die for my cause; what will you sacrifice for yours?" Well, certainly not seven more episodes and some Christmas specials.

"Nobody dies today." Aw crap, now you're back to "Arena"- "we're killers.... we're just... not....going to kill.... today!"

I wouldn't go in there, ma'am. All of the sex toys from the earlier SLASHSLASHSLASH are still laying about.

This is a two-parter, isn't it?

Sure, his companions always come back. Just ask that patch of mulch in the back yard.

Ruh roh, dude's going Jim Morrison on us.

"Every other day." Cute.

Cool, it's Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors!

That's not a cliffhanger, it's a cavehanger!



Right. There goes next weekend.

Comments

[whyaduck.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, they'll get to Rio eventually.

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

Who goes to a Rio beach in a long-sleeved shirt and cowboy boots, anyways?