captainsblog: (Mr Yuk)
Busy morning for an in-town Saturday. I've been having that lethargic about-to-come-down-with-something feeling since the middle of yesterday, so I put off a bank run and library visit until today, along with a couple of other stops. As a self-incentive for getting 'tall done, I planned on making it to an afternoon showing of Children of Men if I finished everything on time. Things went smoothly enough that, when I finished my stuff at the library just up the road from the AMC theater, I was running a good half hour early for the 1:20 show.  I wound up devoting most of those minutes to some nostalgiazing, since today happened to be the start of the Audubon Library's used book sale.

I've never been a stranger to events like this. The hometown library growing up used to do them, but we acquired even more old books through the annual rummage sale at our church. My mother was one of the quintessential Church Ladies who put these things on, so she always got dibs on any good stuff she saw coming in and had pretty much eternal leave to take any unsold leftovers she liked when they were done. Over the years, we probably picked up as much useless junk at them than we managed to give away.

Audubon's isn't that much different, although some of their books are much newer and nicer. The selection is still completely jumbled-up (if I recall, the Brits actually refer to these events as "jumble sales"), the pearls surrounded by way too much swine, and the chances to make fun of other peoples' taste are just brimming.

Unusual, perhaps, for these events was seeing several big boxes of vinyl LP records on the center table. Though we no longer own a working turntable, I retain a morbid fascination for the albums themselves, particularly their covers.  Facing out from the box- the first thing most people would see coming in the door- was a copy of the Carpenters' Close to You album.  I discreetly moved it to the back to as not to scare the shoppers. (Yes, I did own it when I was 11. Shut up.) There were many of that genre and vintage, but only one or two approaching the qualities of the immortal Why'd They Bother Bin.  I almost bought an album of Frankie Yankovic polkas just for its cover cheesiness (so obscure there's not even an image of it on Google), or any number of educational albums like this one-



- which looks like something either out of a liberal Democrat's campaign literature or a kiddie porn site.  Possibly both.

Then I found a sad piece of someone's childhood.  See, kids, back when there were records with big holes in the middle (see "45"), we treasured them and toted them just like you do your jewelcases and iPods.  Decca records even invented a keepsake holder for your favorite dozen of them- a far more pristine but empty version can be had, as can most of my childhood, on eBay-

- but the one on the table was full. Not just of records, but of memories. The owner- female, the handwriting suggested- had lovingly recorded the A and B-side titles, composers, even serial numbers onto the index on the inside cover. And what a mix- half a dozen Doors and Zombies singles, but at least one Disneyland Records compilation of something from the Mickey Mouse Club.  The sleeve of the first single's page, surrounding the label, was filled with autographs and notes from friends. I so wanted to buy this just to try to return it to the probably-my-age owner, who might have been saddened beyond belief to find her past relegated to a 25-cent bargain table.

I moved on to the hardcover books, where other memories awaited, including my second grade science book-

"Come back next week, Timmy, and we'll learn how to mix silicone to send Mary into puberty five years sooner!"

- any number of original Hardy Boys books, some Barrons review guides from Regents exams I actually took, and way more Dan Brown and Danielle Steel books than should ever be allowed in one room at the same time on account of the danger of spontaneous combustion.

In the end, though, I walked out with nothing other than memories- well, other than the borrowed DVD (Spinal Tap, speaking of spontaneous combustion) and book (Bryson's latest, with a freakin TYPO IN HIS OWN BOOKCOVER BIO, idiots). I then moved along to the movie stop, where my memories of P.D. James's book were also in for some serious regurgitation.

----

This is not a date movie.

But it's a damned powerful one, and illustrative of an anti-Utopia that, in its own way, is even sicker than Orwell's simply because it is so real, and close to today's world in time and likelihood, compared to 1984's predictions or even to James's own original 1992 projections of things 20-years-hence from then.  Her evil oppressor is known as the Security Police; Cuarón uses the far more familiar moniker of Homeland Security. Its technology, its propaganda, its abject violence seem far closer to today's time than anyone would ever want to admit. Only the lack of babies really sets it apart.

Though the credits give a "based on" credit to James, it's Cuarón's vision and, thus, his story (literally, as well, he having co-written the screenplay). Other than a few character names and many broad-brush strokes, there's little of the original novel in this depiction, and that's fine, for both are compelling, and ultimately uplifting, and even oddly funny, in their own respective ways.  Michael Caine is worth the price of admission all by himself, and Chiwetel Ejiofor makes yet another appearance proving there is nothing beyond his range. The soundtrack (particularly the cover chosen for this entry) is awesome and fitting, as well. And the camera work ranks among the best of any I have ever seen- never has a splotch on a lens said as much as several of them did toward the climax of this film.

I do have the benefit of being able to compare the film to the James original, since we've owned it in hardcover since it came out. Amazingly, this is not a repeatable event, since that edition is out of print, as are all but one or two cheapie paperback editions reissued just in the past year to coincide with release of the film. I've no idea why Knopf is so stingy with some of its best material; after all, if all else fails, there are always used book sales at libraries for them to go to.
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This is turning out to be one of those odd entries from the little English village of Consciousness-upon-Stream. I'll understand if you start hearing crickets chirping in the background.

An elJay Friend brought an old book friend back to mind the other day. It's a time travel novel set in the New Yorks of 1882 and 1970, which I know I've mentioned here before:

Time and Again

I could go on, and probably did originally, about the book's premise, its fabulous execution of the idea, the sequel I'd not recommend nearly as much, the pedigree of the author (the late Jack Finney, originator of the "Body Snatchers" sci-fi concept) or the sad Development Hell of efforts to get it filmed in the almost 40 ensuing years.

Not today, though. For me, for now at least, my consciousness has been sent even further downstream to the form in which I first encountered this work. It wasn't a dimestore paperback (and at the time, the paperback probably would've actually been only about a dime) or a library hardcover (though I went out and borrowed that in a hurry), but that freak of literary nature known then, and apparently still alive now, as the Readers Digest Condensed Book.

 Dude, that is IT. Fifth from the left, with the brownish cover with green titles. I can't recall if my parents had a separate subscription to these, or if it came with getting the weekly magazine at the time, but I know our house was full of the things. Most were romance or adventure tales- Finney's tale was condensed along with Halic-The Story of a Gray Seal, Six Horse Hitch, Bomber, and A Woman in a House. Classics all.

Such was the story of my childhood. Our parents had one high school diploma between them and little if any college, but they always had a love of reading which got imparted to all three kids and, through us, all three grandkids. Yet while their intentions were good, their choice of subject matter was, to say the least, a bit odd. They were heavily into collections, mainly of things like these which just arrived in the mail or at the supermarket without any effort. I must've had the world's biggest collection of 99-cent introductory volumes of encyclopedias known to man, probably explaining why my knowledge of everything from "Aaron, Hank" to "Byzantine Empire (The)" is far vaster than anything at the end of the alphabet.

My sisters were onto this racket by the time I got a hold of this one time-travel-toting tome in my 10th year. "Reader's Disgust," one of them spurned them. "Get the real things." So I did. Even so, all these years later, seeing that set of condensed books- others in that rack include that smarmy 70s tearjerker Bless the Beasts and Children (which DID get made into a movie, goddam it)- is giving me a rollup of nostalgia, much like seeing a good car accident on the side of the road between a Ford Pinto and an AMC Gremlin. Ugly, even dangerous, but you have to slow and look.

And for less than 35 dollars, including postage and packing, it can all be mine.

Someone stop me before I go blind, get stupider, or both.

(PS to She Who Started All This: the uncondensed version of this book appears to be out of print in your Amazon but quite available in ours. To stop me before I start buying useless junk, if you either email me a snail addy or the location of your amazon.com wishlist, I would be honoured to inflict bestow one on you. Even if the p&p winds up being more than the damn book, which is itself quite cheap.)
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The third Bartimaeus book has now been devoured in a matter of days.  Seriously fun entertainment, even for (especially for?) the grups it allegedly was not intended for.  It was around the end of Trilogy Book III that I finally started wondering if anyone has considered adapting these characters for the screen. The answer, apparently, is a definitive "yes." Miramax (which, I'd vaguely noticed, was the publisher of the books) has optioned the film rights to all three novels. Nothing in IMDB yet to suggest particular attachments; I'd expect for the two youngish main characters, they'll go with relative unknowns, but if there's anyone in Brittywood who could pull off the third major role of the eponymous djinni, I think it's this guy:

cut in case you're reading the books and don't want this image in your head.... )

The only thing I'm wondering about is how well these stories would translate to celluloid. The words are such an essential part of the tale, far more so than most fiction in general and fantasy in particular. I'd especially wonder how the filmmakers would deal with the many marvelous details that Stroud, like Pratchett, pops into footnotes throughout the text. I just IMDB'd him to get a sense of whether any of Discworld has ever been adapted, and it looks like there were only a couple of TV productions in his past (Wyrd Sisters being the only one I recognized) and a couple on the way.  Have any of you seen these, and how do they work out compared to the books?

----
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Thanks to OfficialGaiman for this year's poster for the New York Is Book Country celebration, mere weeks from now and 20,000 leagues down the Thruway:

http://members.aol.com/ndanger3di/nyibc.art

A little on the Goth side, perhaps, but I suppose even the trenchcoat Mafia has summer reading requirements.

I've never been to NYIBC, oddly enough, despite always looking for the display of the year's poster in the New Yorker. I was so enthralled by the 1991 edition- King Kong with reading glasses on, atop the Empire State Building reading "The Apes of Wrath"- that I made a detour on a court trip to the New York Public Library bookshop to bring one home. It's still framed and displayed in our hallway.
----

Emily had her confirmation class orientation last night.

For those who have missed my spiritual writings among the assorted lightning strikes: I hadn't set foot in that church in a good two years. My overt churchiness tends to take long ebbs after long flows. It was very important to me in high school, totally absent from my life for the next seven years of schooling, returned for all of our Rochester days and about half of our time back here, and then,... meh. The few couples our age we felt connected to all moved. The clergy came and went like women speaking of Michaelangelo in an Eliot poem. And somewhere in all that I got lost again.

Not sure if I'm back. By no means am I driving this bus to heaven (having already guaranteed the reservation at the other place for the first night- nice room in the Nixon Wing, overlooking the Muck Pit and a comfortable distance from the Bobby Goldsboro concert), but I've told Emily if it's something she wants to explore and commit to, I'll take her as far with it as she's willing and wanting to go. Even if it means dressing up for church once a week for nine months.

Stay tuned to see how long this lasts.
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As usual, Robert Langdon awoke from a dream in the middle of the night. Usually it was chases up Egyptian pyramids, or Yin chasing Yang around the Maypole. But Langdon was in England, where the last thing anyone dreams of is sex. So it was a 1972 speech by Edward Heath which was being interrupted by the pounding on his door.

His seemingly incognito door. When lecturing on the European circuit as he often did, Langdon was usually offered the finest of accommodations. But in London, he preferred the four stars and quiet of Bloomsbury's Russell Hotel to the Ritzier digs usually proposed by his handlers.

The Russell had all the advantages a professor-lecturer-international man of mystery could want. Historic- actually mentioned in the works of Eliot and well known to Virginia Wolff and that whole Bloomsbury crowd. The hotel even named its bright and tasteful public restaurant for Virginia. Convenient- steps away from the tube but more importantly from the British Museum, situs of Langdon's current research. And most importantly, considering all the powerful enemies he'd acquired in recent years, hidden- well away from the bright lights of better known hotels on more traveled carriageways.

Not hidden enough, Langdon grunted to himself, as the pounding continued.

Through the peephole he spotted an unknown man in clerical garb.

Oh no, not again, he thought.

* * *

"Good evening, Mr. Langdon," the cleric began. "I am Cardinal LaRussa."

Evening was hardly the word to use. It was 3 a.m. local time, 10 the previous night to Langdon's still jetlagged rhythms, and a mere three hours after he had begun his first full night of sleep in two days.

But Langdon was more focused on the name. He recognized the man now, who usually traveled in the more elaborate robes of a Cardinal of the Church. What brought him in this semi-disguise? And how did he know how to find Langdon?

"I apologize for the intrusion," the Cardinal said in perfect if accented English. "His Holiness considers this a matter of the highest importance, and was so appreciative of your work for the Church in Rome that he has forgiven that whole Paris episode and will again allow you to help."

Gee, thanks, Langdon thought. The Pope's gonna LET me be dragged through another adventure which, when published, will cause yet another aircraft to crash from the unaccounted weight of 800 hardcover copies of the book about it onboard. He had never forgiven himself for that happening near Philadelphia the year before, when the skies over Consohocken were littered with tattered pages of a 454-page book mixed in with coffee-table-size presentations of The Complete Works of Leonardo DaVinci.

Since this was, after all, one of the highest authorities of the Church, Langdon held his tongue. Mostly. "I promise nothing, Your Eminence. I am really getting tired of these late night encounters over antiquities. My students come to see me during office hours and I wish you people would, too."

"I beg forgiveness and forgive your impetuousness, my son," LaRussa replied. "The evidence before us is fresh and cannot wait until morning. There is a killer on the loose, impugning the good name and offices of the Holy Mother Church. We must act."

"Fine," Langdon grumbled. "I assume there's a photo or a fax you want me to see."

LaRussa showed him.

Langdon looked more amused and annoyed than shocked.

"Very funny. A man crushed under a chair and another man in a red robe and aviator glasses holding a rope. If this is about my assistance for the Vatican Halloween party, I'm afraid I'm busy that night."

"This is no joke," LaRussa said levelly. "I know of the popular misconceptions- I'm not the only one who does- but I assure you, a man is dead."

"And I suppose he was killed by agents of the Spanish Inquisition," Langdon replied, struggling to keep his eyes from rolling.

"Quite the contrary," LaRussa said. "The man you see here, known to the world as Professor Bernardo Leonardo, was the London agent of our Inquisition."

[to be continued, naturally]
captainsblog: (Default)
I changed directions a little. Well, just read...
----------

Fifi Canneloni rose. She tied her raven tresses back into her usual scientist bun, replaced her horn-rimmed glasses. Next the lab coat again covered her perfect breasts. Time to go back from pendulous to ponderous. Langdon needed her help now as much as she needed, well, his help a few moments earlier.

"Try looking at this again from a fresh perspective," he said. "We've been turning over clue after clue about the enemies of the Church and the Inquisition, and nobody's taking us seriously. Why?"

Fifi mulled it over. "Because every time we mention it, we get stupid grins and jokes about nobody expecting the Spanish Inquisition and all that stupid Python stuff."

"Exactly," Langdon grinned. The pieces had fallen into place.

"Explain," she said.

"What better way to conceal your hatred for and purpose against an organization than by making obvious fun of it? Look at how universal public perception of the Inquisition is. Everyone thinks they were a bunch of bloodthirsty wackoes. All because three actors dressed up in funny suits and made jokes with cushions and comfy chairs."

"But, ... but... that could just be coincidence!" cried Fifi. She'd been a fan of the comedy almost since in utero. Langdon was expecting quite a stretch from her.

"Oh, there's more," he said. "What has been the biggest scourge of the Church in the electronic age? The thing that's brought down the most priests and bishops?"

Fifi thought a moment. "Child abuse. Much of it..." she paused, as the hint of a hideous thought crossed her well-developed threshold...." much of it online porn."

"My very thought," Langdon agreed. "And what do we call the online dissemination of unwanted obscenity and other material?"

Fifi recoiled in horror. "Spam!"

"Named, a decade or so ago, not for the meatlike product, but for a so-called comedy sketch from 1970 about a couple being forced to order something they really didn't like. Guess what year ARPANET- the direct predecessor of the Internet- was founded in the US?"

Fifi's face fell. "Nineteen seventy," she said. She knew.

Langdon's brow furrowed. "That's only the beginning. Each of their original screenplay movies was a direct attack on the teachings of the Church. Holy Grail, a mockery of what we now know to be its most profound secret. Life of Brian, a devestation of the story of the Savior. Even Meaning of Life, which had to lighten up after the protests of the previous one- what's the song everyone remembers from that one?"

Langdon began to hum the familiar tune already in Fifi's head. "Every sperm is sacred," she half-said, half-sang.

"An absurd humiliation of the Church's position on contraception," Langdon ventured. "How many believers fell from the wayside when presented with this depiction of the holy message?"

Fifi stepped back from the dangerous direction of this theory. So much of what she believed in, and held true and funny, was disappearing before her.

"This could be cause and effect," she speculated. "Perhaps their hatred of church authority flowed from its negative reaction to them."

"I considered that," Langdon admitted. "So let's test that hypothesis by going back to the beginning- before any knowledge of their motives could impurify the sample. Didn't the name of the show and the group always seem a little weird to you?"

"I always thought it was just something silly," Fifi said.

"I don't believe in coincidences," Langdon insisted. " Let's take it one part at a time. Four words- each seemingly innocent and unrelated. What do you think the first word's a corruption of?"

Fifi pondered. "Montgomery, I'd assume."

"Good guess, but no," Langdon said. "Try Mountbatten. The family name of the Protestant English royal patriarchy and a sworn enemy of the Catholics in Ireland. One of them was even murdered in 1979- during the heyday of the group's cinematic run!"

"Impossible," Fifi said.

"Not only possible but consistent with the rest," Langdon countered. "See any religious symbolism in the second word? Start in Genesis if you need a clue."

Fifi's head began to spin. "The serpent. A symbol of original sin. The central premise of Catholic theology." She paused. "And I suppose you'll say the third word- "Flying"- is a reference to angels."

Langdon grinned. "You're one halo ahead of me."

"But how do you fit in the last word? What is more innocent and secular than dancing bears and high wire trapeze artists at a circus? Surely you don't want to stretch THEM into being angels, too."

Langdon's glance was almost one of pity. "You're using the modern genesis of the word, Fifi. In ancient times, "circus" meant any gathering place. In Rome, it meant something- somePLACE- very specific. Here."

The sound of clickety-clacks filled the room as the professor googled a phrase. Satisfied with the results, he let Fifi look at the screen- and looked at her as her eyes widened in amazement:

The first instance of Roman persecution of Christians is during the reign of Nero after a fire at the Circus Maximus.

"Now do you believe?", he asked.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. "It's so much to fathom. Six talented comedians at the heart of an anti-Catholic plot?"

Langdon looked up victoriously. "Six!" he exclaimed! "Precisely!"

Fifi looked confused.

"Think of all the great performing groups of our time. Performers came and went. But THIS group never expanded beyond its original six members. One died after their canon was complete, but never more, never less, while their beliefs were being perpetuated."

Langdon's mind raced to a point he hadn't even considered. "And it gets worse. How many seasons of episodes are there?"

Fifi knew at once and also frowned. "Four. Some reference to the gospels, maybe?"

"Another misconception," he replied triumphantly. "There were four seasons, but the fourth is considered almost apochryphal by many fans. One of the original six left the group and was never seen in those shows. Some consider him a leader of the entire organization."

"So, you're saying..." Fifi began.

Landgon intoned the end. "THREE seasons. SIX performers. Six-six-six."

Even Fifi had to believe now.

Langdon was rolling. "And that sixth member- the one who left after three seasons but returned for the films. What is he best known for by the children of today?"

Fifi pictured him. She felt physically ill to think it.

"A ghost in the Harry Potter films," she admitted.

"Another translation of sacred to profane," Langdon said. "Find him, and I believe we'll find the reason for this renewal of hate against the Inquisition."

On their map of Rome, they saw a familiar reference to "Il Passetto"- the passage that had meant so much to Langdon's original adventure. He looked at it from a new angle. Passetto could mean passage, he knew. But he also construed it to mean,... could it?

A walkway.

A walk.

A SILLY walk.

"We're going to the Vatican," Langdon ordered. "I know where the enemy of the Inquisiton is."

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