As predicted on this very blog:

[captainsblog]

Lord Jesus Christ has lawyered up.

Here, in its entirety, is the posting about it from the Boston ambulance chasers who may, or may not, be representing God's Only Plaintiff Son in his crusade, with appropriate citations to controlling authorities from a fellow member of the bar¹:

Massachusetts Pedestrian Named Lord Jesus Christ Injured in Northampton Car Accident

A 50-year-old Belchertown² man named Lord Jesus Christ was injured in a Northampton pedestrian accident on May 4. Christ was treated at a local hospital for his injuries³, which included a bruised hip, soreness, facial swelling, and broken teeth, before being released.⁴

The driver of the vehicle that struck Christ, 20-year-old Pittsfield resident Brittany E. Cantarella,⁵ received a citation for a crosswalk violation. She was making a left turn when her car hit Christ.⁶

Christ’s Massachusetts pedestrian accident made international headlines because of his name, which he legally changed to Lord Jesus Christ. While many people have gotten a kick out of Christ’s name, getting hit in a Boston pedestrian accident is no laughing matter.⁷

Depending on the type of injury and its severity, an injured pedestrian may experience severe pain, disfigurement, and immobility. He or she may also be forced to take time off work to undergo costly surgery, other medical procedures, and rehabilitation.⁸

Some Common Driver Errors that Can Cause Massachusetts Pedestrian Accidents:
• Texting or talking on a cell phone
• Failing to stop at a stop sign or stop light
• Failing to allow a pedestrian in a crosswalk to finish crossing the street
• Drunk driving
• Ignoring the red, flashing light of a school bus that is warning that kids may be getting off and walking around a bus and into the road
• Speeding⁹

Unlike motor vehicle occupants, pedestrians have no protection whatsoever from the impact of getting hit by a car, motorcycle, bus, or semi-truck.¹⁰
-----

¹Not admitted in Massachusetts. However, frequently admitted at J.P. Bullfeathers on Elmwood Avenue ::hic::
²Proving further that not even GOD can make this stuff up.
³Hopefully not a Catholic one; can you imagine the starstruckness of the attending nuns?
⁴Into the hands of the Roman authorities.
⁵As Alert Reader bill_sheehan duly noted at the time of the original post, "a Roman name."
⁶Is it just me, or does this seem to imply that Brittany wasn't driving the car when it hit Our Lord? Could the proper defendant be, possibly,.... SA-TANNNNNN?
⁷Except for the fact that it occurred about 100 miles WEST of Boston.
⁸Not to mention passion, death and resurrection, plus a loss of consortium claim for Mary Magdalene.
⁹I'm surprised they forgot idolatry, coveting thy neighbor's SUV, and failing to honor thy father or mother's right of way in a crosswalk.
¹⁰Hungadunga & Hungadunga LLP represents victims of such accidents for no fee unless they recover. However, should there be any counterclaims brought by Brittany against the Lord Jesus for damage caused by her car bouncing off His omnipotent body, they will be handled at our standard hourly rate of thirty pieces of silver per hour.

Comments

[luckycee.livejournal.com]

You're much too clever for your own good.

[digitalemur.livejournal.com]

Gaaaaaaaaaaaah, why do people think everything in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is BOSTON? I get this from friends, and not EVEN from friends outside of New England, but from Connecticut residents who can't bother to get off their asses and check Google Maps before opening their mouths.

I say again, Lord Jesus Christ is a very, VERY nice guy, even if he is batcrap crazy, which he pretty clearly is. But he's SO polite!

Gaaaaaaah.

[sturgeonslawyer.livejournal.com]

Hungadunga & Hungadunga LLP

You left out a Hungadunga -- and the most important one.