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captainsblogBefore I get to the main point of this entry, I need to navigate around a rather large elephant in the room.
When I reported my friend Lois's death week before last, and the profound sadness it brought to us in this home and our church home, I did not get into the down and dirty of the deceased's sexual politics.
For the entire time I knew her, Lois lived with one of our ministers. One of our female ministers. At the memorial service, Gail was referred to as having been her "soulmate" for 35 years, and Gail's father and kids (she'd previously been married, as had Lois) as her "family of choice."
Thus, the lurid question of the day is, "well, were they or weren't they?"
The short answer, I think the only answer, is I Don't Know And I Don't Care.
I only visited them at home once- a few months back, when the church had finally come to realize my Mad Puter Skillz, and Gail's laptop had ceased connecting to the internet. I had to meet a client near their townhouse that day anyway, so I offered to stop by and fiddle with it. (It was a successful fiddle- her particular model had a hidden-on-the-keyboard on/off switch for the wi-fi to be toggled, which one of their new kittens, or a heavy-fingered fellow helper, had invisibly managed to turn off.)
Their lives at that time were so full of EVERYTHING- ministry projects and travel plans and, oh, did I mention two new kittens?- that I didn't even bother to notice whether there was one bedroom or two in the house.
It just didn't matter to anyone other than the two of them. Had they been the type to put denominational politics before the needs of the denomination, there would have been all kinds of unpleasant Protestant shit about it. Newspaper headlines. A church trial for violating some Book of Discipline edict. A necessarily negative verdict which would have yanked one of them from our pulpit and the other, on her own pure principle, from our choir loft. They'd have rejoined the more tolerant UCC, where Gail had originally been ordained; or become Unitarians; or started their own nondenominational ministry. In any of those scenarios, they would have spent much of the past few years serving political principle instead of serving God with all their hearts, souls, minds and strengths (though the fractional effort would've still been amazing).
Or not.
They could be two old-friend divorcees who just enjoyed each others' company in a don't-ask-don't-tell-and-for-crysake-don't-touch kind of way.
The point is that it never mattered. Not to even the stuck-up codgers of our Veddy Suburban House of Worship. Certainly not to me. And if God cared, it was probably caring even more for them on account of their not choosing to turn their love into a public morals fight.
Some of you may think me naive, or homophobic, or encouraging of closeted lifestyles for feeling this way. All I know is, I am one of hundreds who got the full blessing of their ministries- and hopefully will still share in the remainder of one of them- because they lived their lives this way.
----
All of the above resounded again today when we heard that Gail suffered yet another untimely loss after the tragedy of the previous week: her own brother died last week. A Sunday before, she was back to work- lessened, but I'll take 70 percent of Gail over 110% of most people- but this development was the final blow to her own fragility right now. She asked for and was granted a four-week leave, and a pinch-hit pastor will be joining us for a few hours every week to pick up some of those missing pieces.
If you're the praying type, please join with me. If you're the judging type, judge me rather than them. I'll keep you busy wayyyy longer.
When I reported my friend Lois's death week before last, and the profound sadness it brought to us in this home and our church home, I did not get into the down and dirty of the deceased's sexual politics.
For the entire time I knew her, Lois lived with one of our ministers. One of our female ministers. At the memorial service, Gail was referred to as having been her "soulmate" for 35 years, and Gail's father and kids (she'd previously been married, as had Lois) as her "family of choice."
Thus, the lurid question of the day is, "well, were they or weren't they?"
The short answer, I think the only answer, is I Don't Know And I Don't Care.
I only visited them at home once- a few months back, when the church had finally come to realize my Mad Puter Skillz, and Gail's laptop had ceased connecting to the internet. I had to meet a client near their townhouse that day anyway, so I offered to stop by and fiddle with it. (It was a successful fiddle- her particular model had a hidden-on-the-keyboard on/off switch for the wi-fi to be toggled, which one of their new kittens, or a heavy-fingered fellow helper, had invisibly managed to turn off.)
Their lives at that time were so full of EVERYTHING- ministry projects and travel plans and, oh, did I mention two new kittens?- that I didn't even bother to notice whether there was one bedroom or two in the house.
It just didn't matter to anyone other than the two of them. Had they been the type to put denominational politics before the needs of the denomination, there would have been all kinds of unpleasant Protestant shit about it. Newspaper headlines. A church trial for violating some Book of Discipline edict. A necessarily negative verdict which would have yanked one of them from our pulpit and the other, on her own pure principle, from our choir loft. They'd have rejoined the more tolerant UCC, where Gail had originally been ordained; or become Unitarians; or started their own nondenominational ministry. In any of those scenarios, they would have spent much of the past few years serving political principle instead of serving God with all their hearts, souls, minds and strengths (though the fractional effort would've still been amazing).
Or not.
They could be two old-friend divorcees who just enjoyed each others' company in a don't-ask-don't-tell-and-for-crysake-don't-touch kind of way.
The point is that it never mattered. Not to even the stuck-up codgers of our Veddy Suburban House of Worship. Certainly not to me. And if God cared, it was probably caring even more for them on account of their not choosing to turn their love into a public morals fight.
Some of you may think me naive, or homophobic, or encouraging of closeted lifestyles for feeling this way. All I know is, I am one of hundreds who got the full blessing of their ministries- and hopefully will still share in the remainder of one of them- because they lived their lives this way.
----
All of the above resounded again today when we heard that Gail suffered yet another untimely loss after the tragedy of the previous week: her own brother died last week. A Sunday before, she was back to work- lessened, but I'll take 70 percent of Gail over 110% of most people- but this development was the final blow to her own fragility right now. She asked for and was granted a four-week leave, and a pinch-hit pastor will be joining us for a few hours every week to pick up some of those missing pieces.
If you're the praying type, please join with me. If you're the judging type, judge me rather than them. I'll keep you busy wayyyy longer.