Bored Meetings

A few belated birthday greetings have come in since this time last week. Then there's the worst belated of them all: my biennial bendover to the State of New York to re-up my law license. Here's what that involves:

- Paying. A could-be-worse $375 for two years of the privilege of being yelled at by clients, opponents and judges. At least it didn't go up, although I'm waiting to see if they are going to add the 2.99 percent credit card fee like they do with everything else these days.

::goes, checks:: Ayup.

So, on principle I'll just do it the old fashioned way:



- Certifying. Page after page of certifications:

* Certification of retirement. Ah, would that it were. Their first option here is "I'm retired but I want to give you the money anyway." I'm sure THAT's popular.

* Certification of emeritus status. If you're over 55, you can ticky a box that will get them spamming you for pro bono opportunities. No waiver or discount of the fee, or even the 2.99 percent.

* The one we'll come back to.

* Certification of your pro bono activity. A few rounds back, the form actually required you to write down, on this form, your number of such hours. That didn't sit well with the Big Pots at the top of Big Law firms who run the bar associations, who were embarrassed to say they hadn't done anything (other than order associates to do things for them or write big checks). So now we must report anonymously in a separate envelope with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one so their secretary or IT guy won't see what sleazeballs they are.

* Certification that you're not a deadbeat dad. (Well, the kid's apparently still mad at me, but not THIS much;)

* Certification that you are in compliance with regulations we in these parts are not required to be in compliance with but could be disbarred for if we didn't do the things required by the regulations so WHY NOT JUST REQUIRE US TO BE IN COMPLIANCE WITH THEM?

* Certification of what, and with whom, you're identifying with in terms of gender, race and national origin.

-And not last, but certainly not least,.... THE DREADED CONTINUING LEGAL ED REQUIREMENT.

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In New York, as in many states where requirements may vary but not by much, legal beagles are required to spend a total of twenty-four 50-minute hours every two years honing our skills. The only other context I know where you see the 50 minute hour? Psychotherapy.

This is not coincidental.

We can do pretty much any topic we want in any format we want, as long as we work in four hours of ethics and (for the old farts) an hour of "diversity and inclusion." A few cycles back, I satisfied the ethics requirement by watching a video of a presenter showing clips of William Shatner playing Denny Crane on Boston Legal and then being told all the reasons we shouldn't do that.

Usually, meeting this requirement is not a problem for me, because you get triple credit for each hour of any presentation you teach, plus regular credit for any remainder of the same program you attend. I've been a regular presenter for a national outfit, and usually do one a year I don't have to pay for, plus I get paid with a "comp" of another presentation of theirs. At least, that was how it worked before it all went to shit in early 2020, three months into my current registration cycle. I've had a comp certificate for an eight-hour live course sitting on my desk for going on two years; there hasn't been anything to use it on.

So, off to the Zoomerific wells I've gone. I did manage to get a one-hour live quickie in, back in February 2020 on a useful topic, and then, as I whined about incessantly over the summer, I spent two straight afternoons on this year's summer solstice which knocked off 11 whole hours, including my needed diversity point and some of my ethics. Since you can carry over six credits from the previous cycle and I had a surplus, those got added in. When the candles faded last week, then, all I needed to get current was four more hours, of which two of them had to be in the ethics area. They give you 30 days after your birthday to finish up, so I've been looking for weeks. My seminar provider sends me a ton of program brochures every week, but every one has been web-based, national in scope and not worth blowing the chit on (it expired, but since there was nothing to use it on, I think they'll allow it.... eventually).

Yesterday, though, I checked with our local bar ass. Ociation. And looky! A lunchtime ethics program on a marginally useful topic! Only fifteen bucks! (The all-days I teach at run close to 400.) Where do I sign?

Right above where they said it's only 1½ hours:P

That left me still short on ethics by 20-odd real minutes, and still need two more above that anyway. There's hardly anything at the local level which is that short and that specific. One of my county bars has a calendar consisting mostly of noontime yoga by a lawyer I know. No CLE credit for it, but on my death I'll achieve higher consciousness, so I'd have that going for me, which is nice.

All I had left was to get into their back catalogs of prior-year CLE videos. In theory, I could watch Denny Crane all over again and get the same credit. Instead, I found one two-hour on-demand video of an ethics topic that will get me right with God and Kathy Hochul for the next two years. Sixty bucks to watch something that costs them nothing other than space on a server.

The one I'm attending now is 20 minutes in, and the presenter hasn't stopped coughing the whole time. I doubt that will make the cut for the DVD shelf.

Now just to wait for the code(s). You can't get credit even if you've paid, and even if you watch (and I am, despite this odd form of "note taking"), unless you write down the code they display at least once and often several times an hour. It/they must go on the application for credit form. Miss one and it might be the most expensive pee break you've ever taken.

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The one advantage to webinars, though, is that you don't have to worry about an anti-vaxxer breathing on you. Or a presenter with a loathsome disease.

We're getting into the Zone of Weirdness when it comes to masking and vaccination status. Most public-operated places, such as government offices and libraries, are clear in requiring masking whether or not you are vaccinated. I forgot this when bringing back some movies just now, to a library that has an on-hold book ready for me, because I'd forgotten to bring my mask back to the car. Other public places are only consistent in their inconsistency; healthcare venues always require them, restaurants are all over in terms of requiring at all versus when and where they can be removed, and outdoor events are usually completely unregulated even with thousands of people in close-to-each-other proximity.

....the first code is,.... PERMISSION....

We didn't stay very long at our friend's art opening last week because Eleanor was anxious to get going. I thought it was physical pain, but it was mainly because the artist, and pretty much everyone else in the crowded confined space, was unmasked. It was a restaurant, but only drinks and finger foods were being served, and nobody, even those far away from the bar and table, chose to be masked except us. Eleanor has gotten her booster since then, now that she is back to work on a limited basis, but it's still a scary situation to be in and one she is still more anxious to avoid than I am.

...the second code is,....CONTACT....

Earlier today, I saw this riff on the problem:



Me being me, this got me working on a Hygenesis setlist:

Vaccinate You, Vaccinate Me

Invisible Jab

No Adverse Reaction At All

And, since I still prefer their old-school tunes:

The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway But Feels Better the Day After the Shot

Robbery, Assault and AntiVaxxery

Supper’s Ready But Keep Your Mask On When You’re Not Eating

I Know What I Like (in your vaccination card)

That's enough. You've probably had your Phil;)

And I'm done. The program is not.

....and the final code is,.... RIDICULOUS!