The Ultimate Antidote to Testosterone

Apparently there's some football game going on today down south. People sound rather riled up about the whole business.

Let me help calm y'all down.

One of my fellow Met bloggers posted a link about the new baseball-only stadium that the Florida Miami Marlins will begin playing in next spring, after enduring roughly two decades of hell in a football factory alternately known as Joe Robbie Stadium, Dolphin Stadium, Dolphins Stadium, Landshark Stadium, Soilmaster Stadium and Underpants Park. None of those are made up. (Okay, I lied; the last two are. But only the last two.)

The venue is going to be about as un-football as you can get. It's souther than South Beach, yo. And the centerpiece of it all, it would appear, is the gizmo they've designed to rile the crowd when one of the Hometown Heroes hits a home run.

The Mets are largely responsible for this nonsense, having had a "Home Run Apple" for more than 30 years, originally a paper-mache red apple that came out a top hat, fancied up a bit when they moved to the new yard two years ago. Others have followed in these unfortunate footsteps, but none with as much panache as what will be inflicted on fans of The Fish next year:

( Click if you dare.... )

I pray, with the most fervent of prayers, that no Met pitcher ever serves up a home run ball in that park. Otherwise, I might be compelled to send Dexter out on a mission to kill Flipper.