The Daily Prophet- Cheap One-Line Muggle Joke Edition

Tammy Faye Bakker Dies

Stock analysts issued an "Urgent Warning" downgrading shares of Mary Kay Cosmetics to "Worthless."

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Five Polyps Removed from Bush's Ass

Dick Cheney immediately convened a meeting of the Joint Chiefs and began laying in plans for a senseless invasion of Polypia.

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Oxycontin Maker and Executives Fined $634.5 Million

Now-retired CEO Michael Freedman was followed down the courthouse steps by a weeping Rush Limbaugh, who kept uttering, "I just can't quit you."

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College Application Evacuates Illinois University Building

"There was no return address, it was poorly written, poorly addressed to the university, there were misspellings," according to an Eastern Illinois spokesperson. After x-raying, the applying student's package was transferred by bomb squad to Ohio State, where the applicant was offered a full four-year football scholarship.

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Fox Attacks Maryland Restaurant Worker

Salisbury police promptly arrested Bill O'Reilly and held him in a reinforced cage to protect other jailed inmates from rabies.

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Back to more HP-inspired weird dreams....

Not strictly a spoiler, either, but wtf I'll cut it....

With a disproportionate amount of attention being pointed at the HP7 Epilogue- running a bit negative so far- it can only seem to be there for one reason: to let JKR weasel out of her promise of No More Books.

Since it's inevitable we're going there anyway, I offer my predictions for

( Read more... )

Finally! Some actual bloody spoilers!

(Do remember- clicking anything may reveal everything.)

I seemed to remember this toy coming out and being one of those Big Christmas Deal things sometime mid-80s, so too late for me while still too early for the kid here.  Several attempts to update him since then have seemingly failed, but now we've got the necessary hook:

( Yes, new from Mattel, )

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Continuing the JKR trail of canonical smut, we turn to page 167 and find Ron saying:

"It's a wonder I can't get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they're tight."

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The backup Horcruxes, left on the editing-room floor:

( Read more... )

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Oh, and while we're at it, am I the only one who took one look at that mysterious symbol they're all going on about and instantly thought of this:

( Read more... )

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Ok, I've had my fun for one day. Tune in tomorrow, work permitting, for some actual thoughts on what was going on in the thing....