I KNEW it, I KNEW it....

[captainsblog]

I took the Kara challenge-

1. Go to Google (or Yahoo) and type, "You know you're from (your state) when...."
2. Cut and paste the list.
3. Bold or italicize the items that apply to you.

-and suspected my results would get seriously skewed by that $24 rock of cheap trinkets 400 miles to the southeast.



YOU'RE 35 YEARS OLD AND DON'T HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE.

YOU RIDE IN A SUBWAY CAR WITH NO AIR CONDITIONING JUST BECAUSE THERE ARE SEATS AVAILABLE. YOU AND THE OTHER THREE PASSENGERS LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND KNOW YOU HAVE PURE GRIT.

YOU TAKE THE TRAIN HOME AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHERE ON THE PLATFORM THE DOORS WILL OPEN THAT WILL LEAVE YOU RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE EXIT STAIRWAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT A "REGULAR" COFFEE IS.

IT'S NOT MANHATTAN; IT'S THE "CITY".

YOU GET UPSET THAT A CABBIE IS OBEYING ALL THE RULES OF THE ROAD. (Once, in a cab from Grand Central to Penn Station, the driver offered to ram a car in our way: "I heet heem? You want I heet heem?" Eleanor being a Noo Yawk neophyte back then, we declined.)

YOU'RE WILLING TO TAKE IN STRANGE PEOPLE AS ROOMMATES SIMPLY TO HELP PAY THE RENT.

THERE IS NO NORTH AND SOUTH. IT'S "UPTOWN" OR "DOWNTOWN."

IF YOU'RE REALLY FROM NEW YORK YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT OF WHERE NORTH AND SOUTH ARE....AND EAST OR WEST IS "CROSSTOWN."

YOU CROSS THE STREET ANYWHERE BUT ON THE CORNERS AND YOU YELL AT CARS FOR NOT RESPECTING THE FACT.

YOU MOVE 8,000 MILES AWAY, SPEND 10 YEARS LEARNING THE LOCAL LANGUAGE AND PEOPLE STILL KNOW YOU'RE FROM BROOKLYN THE MINUTE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

YOU RETURN AFTER 10 YEARS AND THE FIRST FOODS YOU WANT ARE A "REAL" PIZZA AND "REAL" BAGEL.

A 500 SQUARE FOOT APARTMENT IS LARGE.

YOUR CO-WORKER COMMUTES 45 MINUTES BY TRAIN TO A 2,000 SQUARE FOOT HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS THAT WAS THE SAME PRICE AS THAT SAME 500 SQUARE FOOT APARTMENT OF YOURS THAT TAKES ONLY 35 MINUTES TO GET TO AND YOU THINK HE'S A SUCKER.

YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN ALL THE DIFFERENT RAY'S PIZZAS.

YOU ARE NOT UNDER THE MISTAKEN IMPRESSION THAT ANY HUMAN BEING WOULD BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND A P.A. ANNOUNCEMENT ON THE SUBWAY.

YOU KNOW WHO DR. Z IS.

YOU HAVE AT LEAST 50 MENUS IN YOUR APARTMENT, TWO THIRDS OF WHICH YOU HAVE NEITHER ORDERED FROM NOR EVEN HEARD OF.

YOU WOULDN'T BOTHER ORDERING PIZZA IN ANY OTHER CITY.

YOU GET READY TO ORDER DINNER EVERY NIGHT AND MUST CHOOSE FROM THE MAJOR FOOD GROUPS: CHINESE, ITALIAN, MEXICAN OR INDIAN.

YOU'RE NOT IN THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED IN GOING TO TIMES SQUAREON NEW YEAR'S EVE. 

YOUR INTERNAL CLOCK IS PERMANENTLY SET TO KNOW WHEN ALTERNATE SIDE OF THE STREET PARKING REGULATIONS ARE IN EFFECT. (Never dealt with that here, or downstate for that matter, but the Rochester rules are still burned in my brain almost 25 years after leaving the city streets.)

YOU KNOW WHAT A BODEGA IS.

YOU KNOW HOW TO FOLD THE NEW YORK TIMES IN HALF, VERTICALLY, SO THAT YOU CAN READ IT ON THE SUBWAY OR BUS WITHOUT KNOCKING OFF OTHER PASSENGER'S HATS. (And more precisely, how to fold it to do the daily crossword, which I always, but only, do when I'm on a LIRR train or MTA subway.)

SOMEONE BUMPS INTO YOU, AND YOU CHECK FOR YOUR WALLET.

YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE THE NICE LADY WALKING DOWN THE ROAD HAVING A PERFECTLY NORMAL CONVERSATION WITH HER SELF.

YOU PAY "ONLY" $230 A MONTH TO PARK YOUR CAR.

YOU CRINGE AT HEARING PEOPLE PRONOUNCE HOUSTON ST. LIKE THE CITY IN TEXAS. (Chili, Lima, Scio and Charlotte cause similar problems in these parts.)

THE PRESIDENTIAL VISIT IS A MAJOR TRAFFIC JAM, NOT AN HONOR.

FILM CREWS ON YOUR BLOCK ANNOY YOU, NOT EXCITE YOU. (THEY TAKE UP ALL THE PARKING SPACES!)

YOU CAN NAP ON THE SUBWAY AND NEVER MISS YOUR STOP.

YOU LOOK FORWARD TO RIDING THE SUBWAY TO READ THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "MARISOL AND JULIO".

THE DELI GUY GIVES YOU A STRAW WITH ANY BEVERAGE YOU BUY, EVEN IF IT IS BEER.

YOU MAY AIR HEARTFELT GRIPES AND COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR CITY, BUT HEAVEN HELP ANY VISITORS WHO DIS' YOUR CITY. (This is also true about any of the three I've lived in.)



11 out of 34. Or, roughly, "a turd."

Then, just for shits and giggles, I decided to google the decidedly "Upstate New York" version I've seen, just to see which wins after almost 51 years, spent almost exactly two-thirds up here and one-third down there:



* You only own three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup

* You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit  (One of Emily's first costumes was an ersatz woolen version of Barney the dinosaur.)

* The mosquitoes have landing lights

* You have more miles on your snow blower than your car

* You have 10 favorite recipes for venison

* TrueValue Hardware on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas

* You've gone trick-or-treating in a blizzard (see above)

* Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow

* You think everyone from the city has an accent

* You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only eight buttons

* You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car

* The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports (in football season, at least)

* At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant

* The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun

* Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof

* You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday (No, but I know people of this religion)

* You head south to go to your cottage

* You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck

* You know which leaves make good toilet paper

* You've ever kept food cold by putting it on the back porch (Sometimes for weeks at a time)

* The mayor greets you on the street by your first name (No,  but we refer to him as Urkel)

* There is only one shopping plaza in town

* You find -20F a little chilly

* The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer

* You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots

* You can play road hockey on skates

* Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout

* You know the 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and construction

* The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus (Not that I know of, but even stranger, everybody including the Highway Department still calls the local hockey barn the "Pepsi Center" even after Coke paid close to a million for the pouring rights)

* You actually 'get' these jokes, and forward them to all your upstate NY friends (Well, duh)



10 out of 30. Exactly the same. So much for nurture over nature.

Comments

[horizonchaser.livejournal.com]

*Cracks Up*

[shinuhana.livejournal.com]

< 5 yrs in NYC and I highlight about the same for NYC as for Connecticut, and a large percentage at that!