Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.

[captainsblog]

I spent part of my working day today serving bankruptcy process on the VA. Or as it's been more formally known for a number of years, the Department of Veterans Affairs. BK rules are arcane and nicketypickety when it comes to service of non-individual parties such as corporations and, in this case, government units. They are strict about the process being directed to a "named officer," and, in the case of service on a U.S. government agency, there are multiple levels of service required because the gummint, being a big and unwieldy bunch of boobs, tend to misplace little things like summonses and motions if you only served, say, the one office that caused the problem.

So I had to direct my process to (a) the head of the agency being served, (b) the U.S. Attorney General in Warshington, and (c) the civil process clerk of the local U.S. Attorney's Office here in Buffalo. Bearing in mind the "named officer" rule, I went in search of these names.

The "head of agency" for the VA would, presumably, be the Secretary of Veterans Affairs, who I have no freakin idea who he or she is. A he, as it happens, and a veteran, even, by the name of Eric Shinseki. I duly record this information and move on to line two. I think I know, or did barring some recent scandal, who the current A.G. is; a check of doj.gov confirms that it is, indeed, Eric Holder.

Now, though, I'm both wondering about whether being named "Eric" is on Obama's set of qualifications for his cabinet, and not one but two old Python sketches start blending in my brain as I look up the third name, picturing a confirming conversation that will go something like this:

Ring!
Them: U.S. Attorneys Office.
Me: Yes, I would like to speak to your civil process clark, please.
Them: One moment.
::pleasant music on hold depicting Mediterranean scenes:
Them: Yes, Civil Process.
Me: I would like to serve a motion for my client, Eric.
Them: Why did you think my name was Eric?
Me: It was an inspired guess.
Them: Well, it's not Eric, it's Bruce.
Me: Mind if I call you Eric to keep it clear?
Them: You're a looney.
Me: I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I have only serve process on civil servants named Eric? I've heard tell that Glenn Beck only rants about Presidents named Barry; furthermore, Bill O'Reilly, the evening falafel-eater, becomes totally obsessed over the name Keith! Wait, they ARE looneys.
Them: I promise there is no such thing in the federal rules. You can send me your process even if my name isn't Eric.
Me: But if you change your name to Eric you can join the political science department and make fun of famous opponents of health care.
Them:  (positively beaming)
HE ASKED ME!

::cue music to the Philosopher's Song::

Senator Grassley's a massive ass
Who the lobbyists bought and paid for
That bitch named Blanche is a hypocrite skank
An insurer would get laid for
Nelson (Bill) hopes you never get ill
Big donations are what he's made for
And Delaware's Carper is another old farter
Biden should call out as a traitor!

Even better, throw the whole bloody lot of them into the sheep dip.

----

Speaking of a big and unwieldy bunch of boobs...

Earlier in the day, I had to pick up a report for another client from a medical office in Chikkawogga. As I waited to be acknowledged, I saw the usual assortment of medical types behind the glass- the men, mostly in dress shirts with goofy ties, the women, mainly in scrubs and sneaks. Not the receptionist, though; she was right off the Ford Modeling Agency back lot, and "the boys" or "the girls" or whatever she calls them were on display for everyone within a many-mile radius to admire.

All of which is fine, except for the fact that this was a cardiology office. I ultimately concluded that it was their low-cost method of conducting stress tests for the elderly gentlemen coming in.

And on the always-on cable television in the waiting room? Rachael Ray. Not exactly the heart-healthiest choice, huh.

I half expected to see Elvira pop out of a closet and shout BOO!, but OSHA probably would've cited them for the potential cleavage-entanglement violations.

(Yes, I edited in this last part, only running it by Eleanor to be sure she wasn't offended by such observations. She loved them, of course; and I, her ::hugs::)

Comments

[whyaduck.livejournal.com]

Was Eric a half-a-bee?

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

If so, I only would have served two of the four pages.

Because half a bee, philosophically, must, ipso facto, half not be.

[headbanger118.livejournal.com]

Erik, Eric, Erick...almost as many spellings as Terri, Teri, Terry, Terrie. Ok, not related at all to your post, I was just thinking.

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

Are you a Terri or a Theresa? One of my oldest and bestest friends is a Theresa.

[headbanger118.livejournal.com]

I am an original Terri. It's funny, because I get many things in the mail addressed to Teresa or Theresa, because people think Terri must be a nickname.