Judah Judah Judah!

[captainsblog]

As if Disney and the Cameron Mackintosh Organisation hadn't found a way to adapt virtually everything else to the Broadway and West End boards, a Brit friend reports that Ben Hur is now being staged, beginning in London, complete with live chariot races and real horses.

How is this NOT a very bad idea?, she asks. 

Only one thing could be worse, I reply:

Ben Hur Live with chariot races and real horses- The Musical.

Naturally, I've begun work on this.  Some can be simple adaptations- adding lyrics to Vangelis's Chariots of Fire music, working out some new lyrics with the Michael Jackson estate for the obvious title song ("Ben, no challenger will be here testin'/You, who were once played by Charlton Heston...."), but we really need that act-ending showstopper. The one Betty Buckley was born to sing.

Coming right up:

When Christ was born
There was a Roman empire
Its armies conquered all the West

But all those plebes
Needed some entertainment
So Caesar decreed a race was best

Horse
Racing horse
Reachin' out
Comin' in
By a nose!

Sweet Chariot!
Swinging low to the finish line
What idiot
Writes a show tune based on Sweet
Car
O
Line?

And instead of wine and sweets at intermission, what better choice than heapin' trays of Alpo?

Comments

[troubleagain.livejournal.com]

Hey, now, Sweet Caroline is an awesome song!

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

Hey, I like it too, but it's a bit of a sore subject with Met fans, who are sick of their management playing it near the end of games when it's a Red Sox tradition to play it.

Besides, what else scans with "chariot" besides "idiot" anyway?

[troubleagain.livejournal.com]

I dunno, Iscariot? Carry it?

[shadowhuntress.livejournal.com]

So, it's like Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament, only biblical-style and without the dinner?

Love your song. ;-) There should probably be another number called "Ramming Speed!"

[whyaduck.livejournal.com]

It's the natural sequel to this Heston classic:

[tinnabelle.livejournal.com]

ohray

[sturgeonslawyer.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of the musical Mad magazine did of The Ten Commandments.

Red Sea,
You'd better divide now.
It's time that you tried now,
Red Sea please hear what I say.

Red Sea,
Just make a path narrow,
or else that darn Pharaoh
is sure to get us today.

Red Sea,
Just let us go free-ee
or else I will never be in the Bible, you see!

Red Sea,
this thing I'm requestin'
will mean Charlton Heston plays me
Red Sea!

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

Don't forget the famed moment where Heston, as Moses, storms into Pharoah's throne room to demand the release of his people, is covered by advancing snakes, and issues his demand:

"GET OFF ME, YOU DAMNED DIRTY APSES!"

[headbanger118.livejournal.com]

I can go one better than this. In my happy state, in Pigeon Forge there is an attraction called Dixie Stampede, in which a full horse show is presented WHILE dinner is served. See link: http://www.dixiestampede.com/dixie_video/dsx001.html