Payment- in kind.
Feb. 16th, 2009 01:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
captainsblogMy mother died ten years ago today. A few months back, I linked here to my sister's words about her on the occasion of Mom's birthday. There was nothing I could add then, and really not all that much now, except to reflect on, and rejoice in, how much of her life remains alive, even these ten years later.
Not long ago, I was asked what I thought my daughter's best quality was. Instantly, I responded that it was her sense of kindness. Since she first began to socialize with kids in the neighborhood and day care, not long after she'd learned to walk, Emily always conveyed a sense of caring about others as much as she did about herself. That's our mother all over.
Mom didn't leave a world of earthly possessions for the kids to manage. That was never important to her and we've never made it the focus of our lives. But the examples she left behind outlast those kinds of riches, both in their worth and their permanence. She didn't have a world of skills to offer, but what she could do, she would do, unquestioningly and with a smile. Generations of kids, from my friends and neighbors in the 60s up through her final years, knew her as a generous and giving second Mom/Grandma. She helped raise my own nieces in the 70s, and while she was much further along and farther away in life when Em was born, we could always see the light that her newest and last granddaughter brought to her eyes.
The final years were hard- hardest on my surviving sister, who took her in and took her into constant care after her mind failed, even as she'd finally turned around years of neglecting the rest of Mom's health. The last few times we saw her, we had no visible clue that she remembered or even recognized us. But somehow, we did know she knew. By the end, we knew there was nothing we could do for her but wait- and, never being one to want to leave early, she virtually got thrown out of Hospice for living too long- but the wait finally ended on a cold winter's day in upstate New York, bringing together all of her children, in-laws and grandchildren for what would be, for all of us, the final time.
I will not get to join Donna in visiting her today, but I plan to be there next week, and I will certainly make that journey. I think she'd be pleased with the roads we've all taken since then.
Not long ago, I was asked what I thought my daughter's best quality was. Instantly, I responded that it was her sense of kindness. Since she first began to socialize with kids in the neighborhood and day care, not long after she'd learned to walk, Emily always conveyed a sense of caring about others as much as she did about herself. That's our mother all over.
Mom didn't leave a world of earthly possessions for the kids to manage. That was never important to her and we've never made it the focus of our lives. But the examples she left behind outlast those kinds of riches, both in their worth and their permanence. She didn't have a world of skills to offer, but what she could do, she would do, unquestioningly and with a smile. Generations of kids, from my friends and neighbors in the 60s up through her final years, knew her as a generous and giving second Mom/Grandma. She helped raise my own nieces in the 70s, and while she was much further along and farther away in life when Em was born, we could always see the light that her newest and last granddaughter brought to her eyes.
The final years were hard- hardest on my surviving sister, who took her in and took her into constant care after her mind failed, even as she'd finally turned around years of neglecting the rest of Mom's health. The last few times we saw her, we had no visible clue that she remembered or even recognized us. But somehow, we did know she knew. By the end, we knew there was nothing we could do for her but wait- and, never being one to want to leave early, she virtually got thrown out of Hospice for living too long- but the wait finally ended on a cold winter's day in upstate New York, bringing together all of her children, in-laws and grandchildren for what would be, for all of us, the final time.
I will not get to join Donna in visiting her today, but I plan to be there next week, and I will certainly make that journey. I think she'd be pleased with the roads we've all taken since then.