Top Ten Things Heard After Yesterday's Letterman Taping with Joaquin Phoenix:

[captainsblog]

10. "Somewhere in Crown Heights, a shul is missing its rabbi. And its idiot."

9. "Apparently, River didn't finish the last of the speedballs."

8. "Rupert has a new sandwich on the menu named after Joaquin- a thick slice of ham covered with beard shavings."

7. "Uma? Oprah! Ura? Asshole!"

6. "Sorry, NBC still owns the rights to 'Paul Schafer's Maniacal Laughter.' We have to call it 'the CBS Nitrous.'"

5. "Our next guest is here to promote his new product guaranteed to get chewing gum off the edge of any desk. Please welcome, Billy Mays!"

4. "It could have been worse, Dave. He could've jumped up on the desk and flashed you with his man-boobs."

3. "Figures. Tomorrow night, Leno's got Keanu Reeves coming on in an Amish suit singing selections from Tupac's last album."

2. "Four hours later, Connecticut state troopers arrested Phoenix and charged him with trying to break into Dave's house."

and the number one thing heard after Joaquin's meltdown:

1. The sound of movie theater cash registers going ka-ching! as millions of confused individuals buy tickets to this wacko's new movie!

Comments

[headbanger118.livejournal.com]

Poor dude. I'll never look at "Walk the Line" the same way again.

[whyaduck.livejournal.com]

But was his performance on Dave as good as Crispin Glover's?