Give the Gift that Burns Forever!

[captainsblog]

As I got out of my wussy little Ford Econobox last night and headed for the petrol pump, there was honking of horns caused by the sudden arrival of a minor parade blocking all the other pumps. It was a black Hummer, pulling a trailer, which was bearing two snowmobiles.

I thought of taking a cell phone picture- with the gas station's Alcatraz lighting, it would have come out even at 8 p.m.- but the testosterone-filled Men Men Men over there might have misunderstood my intentions and squashed my Focus like a bug. With one of the snowmobiles.

Not that this discretion could stop my eyes from rolling to the back of my head as I thought, Jesus on a popsicle, you guys probably have your own hole in the ozone layer!

Alas, there was no way of formally recognizing their accomplishments in ecological terrorism. Until now:

Looking for the perfect gift for the holidays? Hi, I'm Rocky Mozell of the International Ozone Hole Registry, and for just $49.99 you can name a hole in the ozone layer for your favorite urban assault vehicle owner.  Your gift package includes a beautiful 12" x 16" parchment certificate, with the name of your eco-terrorist, dedication date, and latitude-longitude coordinates of the hole. Your honoree's hole name will be recorded in book form at the headquarters office of the Kyoto Protocol. We'll also send you a copy of "An Inconvenient Truth," a fascinating study of gas prices over the past five years, and an emergency dildo for your Hummer owner to use on those occasions when his primary means of compensation is in the repair shop.

Operators are standing by.

Comments

[headbanger118.livejournal.com]

I own a mid-sized, car-based SUV, and I do so without remorse, since I live at the foot of a mountain ridge and need the AWD. Having said that, I can think of no really good reason ANYONE, ANYWHERE (outside of military operations) needs a Hummer. And when I see one in the city, like Charlotte, I just shake my head bit more.