It's been.... one month since you busted me.

[captainsblog]

It hasn't been a good summer for some of my favourite Canadians.

Maybe it's just the lifestyle of world-renowned rock stars catching up with them. Some of it, I'm sure, comes with age, especially getting toward 40, and even more especially if you're playing in a band still calling itself Barenaked Ladies. Even those factors don't explain the bad luck they've been facing of late, though.

First their main frontman, Steven Page, got busted- in Syracuse, of all places- for snorting coke. They canceled their appearances at a Disney show later this month. Then, last night came word that the band's other principal singer, Ed Robertson, crashed his Cessna float-plane into a wooded area in the wilds of Ontario over the weekend.

Unlike his bandmate, Uncle Elwyn's nephew walked away from the disaster unscathed.

It is this sort of tragedy that ballads are made of, so in response to cleolinda linkspamming the latter news report last night, I decided to begin one. (If you don't know the tune, click the tubey box and read on....)

"" (Watch on YouTube)

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I would buy you a plane (I would buy you a plane)
And if I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a parachute for your plane (with a real nice canopy and a rip cord)
If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you cocaine dust (a line or two of powdery toot)
If I had a million dollars, I'd buy you blow

If I had a million dollars (I'd call a lawyer without fail)
If I had a million dollars (he'd show up, I'd even put up bail)
If I had a million dollars, he'd get rich.

Still, that's only one verse into the song. Things could get much worse if the boys continue this descent into crime and disaster:

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd club some baby seals (yes, they'd be real fur seals, that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd give you an exotic disease (like ebola, it'd kill you)
If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd give it to right-wing campaigns (mmm, all those wrinkly John McCain bones)
And if I had a million dollars, I'd buy more blow

If I had a million dollars (we wouldn't buy from some street-corner whore)
If I had a million dollars (we'd call Lindsay Lohan cause she's got more)
If I had a million dollars (we'd wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinners... but we would!
And, sprinkle snow all over it instead of that powdered crap in the package!)

Now you know why they don't want you throwing things at them at this point in the song....

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd beat a grandma up (real old in a green dress, that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd buy me some art (a Picasso, and I'd deface it)
If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd buy the port of Dubai (haven't you always wanted Abu Dubai?!?)
If I had a million dollars, I'd buy all the blow!

If I carried all that blow home (if I had a million dollars)
And if my plane hit a bad tailwind (If I had a million DOL-lars)
And if it crashed into a for-r-r-est?
I'd just ditch.