Top Ten Reasons Jesse Helms is Happy in his New Home:

[captainsblog]

10. Nixon's the president forever and nobody can impeach him.

9. Despite what that crazy lady from Georgia said, Voldemort's actually a pretty cool guy.

8. Can wear white hood again, effectively covering up maggot-eaten flesh.

7. No offensive Martin Luther King holiday.

6. Also, no offensive Martin Luther King.

5. The seven circles around the place are named "Daytona," "Talladega," "Martinsville," "Darlington," "Bristol," "Lowe's" and "Atlanta," and all of them run counterclockwise.

4. After these past five long years, once again gets to direct all those mean "old" jokes back at Strom Thurmond.

3. Doesn't have a problem anymore with coloreds drinking out of the same fountain because, hey!, no fountains.

2. No National Endowment for the Arts funding whatsoever, just a 24-hour continuous Ronald Reagan film festival.

And the number one reason Senator Helms is happy at last....

1. Finally, someone's in charge who understands how frustrating it is to lose a civil war war of angelic aggression and doesn't expect him to "get over it."

Comments

[liddle-oldman.livejournal.com]

*coffeenose*

[headbanger118.livejournal.com]

5. The seven circles around the place are named "Daytona," "Talladega," "Martinsville," "Darlington," "Bristol," "Lowe's" and "Atlanta," and all of them run counterclockwise.

I've always thought so. This explains a lot around race time in Bristol, TN.