♪Hogwarts, Nothing but Hogwarts,....♪

[captainsblog]

The word is out, apparently, over at Leaky Cauldron, and the fangirls, they are not pleased. At least the one living under this roof:

Harry Potter to be Made into West End Musical

To the shrewd follower of the book and film series, this can only mean one thing: guessing which other musicals will have their tunes and lyrics misappropriated for this new deriviative work?

I'll start. Feel free to add your own.




"Avada kedavra!" and "Experillamus!"
Dreaming of Draco's tongue probing my anus
Longbottom's spell causing him to sprout wings,
These are a few of my favorite things!

----




The sorting by house is a difficult matter
It isn't your typical holiday game;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hat, urrrr...
When I tell you, the sorting is ALWAYS THE SAME.

First of all, come the one-offs, the red-shirted  freshmen,
Such as Diggory, Abbott, Cho Chang and Bones
They get sorted for HUFFLEPUFF!, otherwise RAVENCLAW!-
Nice enough kids, but they're never The Ones.

If you're looking for evil, deception or stupid
Such as Malfoy or Riddle, Crabb-and-Goyle or the Blacks
Then the script's bound to call for me shouting out SLYTHERIN!
There's not any discretion, I'm just telling the facts.

But above and beyond there's still one house left over,
And that is the name that you're bound to deduce:
It's the house all our superstars take for their studies-
And the one that's then filled up by lame Mary Sues.
And so at the feast, when I'm in contemplation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
I'm just reading ahead for the plot complication
That will lead, to a need, for the call, of its name:
Its ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name:
GRYFFINDOR!

----




I am the very model of an evil Uber-Wizard-
I know spells that are so terrible, they'll cut right to your gizzard.
I know "Hogwarts-A History," my wand burns hot and fiery,
I've hidden pieces of my soul in necklace, ring and diary.

I'm very well acquainted, too, with entrances and sorties,
As I've trained all of my minions to transport by using portkeys.
They then bring me all my enemies, I steal their blood and boneses
In my quest for domination which is that for which I'm jonesin'

Chorus:
They bring him all his enemies, he steals their blood and bonses
In his quest for domination which is that for which he's jonesin'



Still working on West Side Story and Spamalot songs. Work with me, people:)

Comments

[headbanger118.livejournal.com]

Once again, I have nearly spit Diet Pepsi all around while reading one of your posts. They really need to come with a warning.

[suchanadorer.livejournal.com]

The Sorting Hat HAS to sing. That's what it does. Maybe not that song, exactly, but it should sing, especially since it didn't sing in the movies.

[sturgeonslawyer.livejournal.com]

It's Harry's first night in the Griffendor dormitory. He's unpacking.

Hogwarts ... Hogwarts ...
From Privet Drive, I got your owls.
Hogwarts ... Hogwarts ...
And now I'm looking for my towels.

A student of Gryffindor must be remarkable,
The Death Eaters' threats should only make him laugh.
(Half-heartedly: Ha, ha, ha.)
With the courage that Godric prized,
And no matter his shape or size,
He should easily cut a basilisk in half.
His temper and anger ought to be unsparkable,
No monster or foe should ever 'scape his grip!
But where in Hogwarts,
Is there in Hogwarts,
A student so cool and hip?

It's me, it's me, the Boy who Survived,
It's me, I humbly reply.
That child who, when, Lhe Dark Lord broke in,
Lay there and did not die.

I'm talented beyond all belief.
I've got me a jagged scar.
That Voldemort (by Hagrid's report)
Put there -- so there you are!

It's me, it's me, the Sorting Hat chose
To place in Gryffindor's school.
And now I stand, with wand in my hand
Amazingly young, admittedly bland,
To break every single rule.
It's me!