Madlibbin' around the Christmas tree

[captainsblog]

Oh the memes they come, they're all going and coming,¹
But 'twas this one from Kimmy that got my brain humming.²
And I thought, "hey now! wouldn't it make her heart warm
If my answers derived from that old MadLibs form!"³

::Michael Palin runs in:: Stop that! Stop that! No more poetry!

Arright. And no, I haven't answered yet. Emily's left for school and I need to have her fill in the verb/noun/whatever answers to make the reply post useful. However, it did give me an idea for this blog (see note 2 above, or is it below?)- a holiday chance to share what was once a famous, and annually repeated, MadLibs riff on that same classic Kissmoose poem.

Let me explain.

For many a Sunday night from around 1990-something until about two years ago, trivia players on AOL gave up their usual showoffs of knowledge for an hour to play instead at sheer stupidity. Naturally, I was the host at the end of this venture. Instead of correct answers (though they did count, too), you got points for creative ones, and this bunch was (still is, I suppose) nothing if not creative. The founder of this format is a Friend of this page, as is the one who was still hangin' on as my dear co-host at the time of the game's sad demise.

One Sunday night, I was bored, unprepared or both, so I decided to have the players create their own version of The Night Before Christmas in MadLibs form. Not that they knew it at the time. They just served up "a place," "an animal," and so on. I picked the best (i.e., weirdest) answers to fit the format and ran it as the Christmas game the next week, and for several Christmases to follow. Their answers stand alone, though,⁴ as a perfectly proper Christmas poem which I now share here.  Their answers are whited out below the cut; roll your mouse over each one if you want to play along, as it were, or highlight the whole block to read the whole thing.  And thanks again to Pengie and Tink and the 20-odd other participants to this madness for making this a part of my own holiday experience.⁵



 'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the WOMENS PRISON,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a HAIRLESS PIG WITH A BONE IN HIS NOSE.
All the NUNS were hung by the chimney with care,
In the hope that St. SILENT BOB soon would be there.
When out on the lawn there arose such a SOUND OF STEVE PERRY’S SINGING,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the MULLIONS.
Then what to my Wondering eyes should appear,
A miniature GONDOLA,
And eight tiny reindeer.
A  little PORTAPOTTY CLEANER, lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
And more rapid than A BIRD OF PARADISE (AFTER IT’S FLOWN UP YOUR NOSE),
His reindeer all came,
As he whistled and shouted and called each by name.
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and EDNA!  
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the TELEVISION!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
And so up to the house top The reindeer soon PUKED,
With the sleighs full of GURKS  and St. Nicholas too.
Down the TOILET he came with a leap and a bound.
He was dressed all in RAZOR WIRE and his belly was round.
He spoke not a word But went straight to his GDMF COMPUTER,
And filled all the stockings, and FARTED with a jerk.
And laying his SPLEEN up the side of his nose,
Then giving a nod up the JOYROOM he rose;
But I heard him say As he SUCKED out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all And to all,  DONT LET THE DOOR HIT YOU WHERE THE GOOD LORD SPLIT YOU!"
 

------
¹ And always too soon.
² Always a dangerous thing.
³ The old guy assumes everyone here knows what MadLibs is. (Are?) Naturally, like everything else in the known universe, they have a Wikipedia entry that should 'splain it all.
⁴ Along with the cheese.
⁵ Well, that and, as the incomparable Joshilyn Jackson put it in her own blog the other day, "my special jacket with the long long sleeves that go ALL the way around. Twice. And the type of fat crayons that can easily be held between the toes."

Comments

[bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com]

Ok, I was going to do the Mad Libs (DOES everyone know what they are?), but when I highlighted to copy, I saw you'd already done it. :-P

You are a sneaky one.

And in response to my comment about missionary work, I assume you're NOT talking about the kind where I'd travel, presumably to third-word countries and spread the Gospel, are ya? :-P

[bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com]

Oh, did you know that you can buy new Mad Libs books at...of all places..Bed, Bath and Beyond? When I went to buy my new linens this summer, I saw a whole display of them at the front door. I thought that was a rather odd place to sell them, but whatever.

[headbanger118.livejournal.com]

I am awed by the literary capabilities here. There is Nobel work here!

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Not a word of it is mine, though; I just collected the answers. The usual "Nobel work" most associated with my own humor is his original product: dynamite.