The Light at the End of the Coffin

[captainsblog]

Recent ruling to ban the name "Marlboro Lights"

My favorite part of this one was the professor's take. I looked for the tongue in his cheek but I think he's got chaw in there:

Richard Pollay, professor of marketing at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver and a historian of tobacco advertising, said the impact should be limited.

"They will quickly find other language toward the same ends, for example 'soft', 'smooth', 'gentle', 'kind', etc.," he said.

"It is important to the industry to give smokers some reassurance -- however false -- that the product and brands are risk controlled, even if not totally risk free."

Merchants of death? I am here to help.

Top 10 new names for Marlboro Lights:

10. Velvet Shrouds
9.   Virginia Slim Chances of Surviving
8.   Slowwwwwww Poison Pills
7.   Attempted Suicide Bombers
6.   Dr. Phil-munary Metastases
5.   Cuuuuute Baby Panda Bears Choking to Death
4.   Tumors, only Minty!
3.   Coffin Thumb Tacks
2.   Remission Accomplished! (the official cigarette of the Bush Administration)

and the number one new name for Marlboro Lights....

1.   Humane Destroyers