Mad Max 3- Beyond Stupidity

[captainsblog]

Nothing like getting arrested for DWI to get your name back in the press, huh, Mel?  And for someone with a questionable history of maintaining good ecumenical relations with his Jewish brethren, about the only worse thing than that would be getting caught in an anti-semitic diatribe taken down word-for-word in a police report.

Now Mel. Although I am not admitted to the California Bar, I do have credentials at the piano bar, and so, with a tip of the hat to the lyricist of Spamalot, I present my advice to you in song:


Well...let me put it like this.

In any prosecution,
that you don't want to lose,
Hate and prejudice depend on whom you choose.
And that’s what Mel was thinking as he made the evening news:
“I wouldn’t have been arrested
If it wasn’t for the Jews.”

You may have the finest cars,
Drink at most exclusive bars,
Load your BAC with all the finest booze.
You may say that Jesus, too,
Would’ve blown a point-one-two
You'll get no sympathy,
Just lots of boos.

ENSEMBLE:
Boo.

You may fail to be a mensch
You may even plot revenge
You may tell the cop how you “own Malibu.”*
But it all will be for naught,
Cause of all that tripe Dad taught,
For I tell you, when you’re dead drunk
You will go and blame a Jew.

They won't care about your Oscar
As they tow away your fast car
And they won’t believe your charges of abuse.
They won’t listen, not a one
To your “Give me back my son!”
Even Fundies will hide from you ‘neath their pews!
You can try all kinds of spinning
But this story isn’t winning-
An apology you might think would defuse?

But there’s now a vast wide schism
From your anti-Semitism
That will turn the public on you
Cause you had to blame the Jews.

You may try pleas for compassion,
Show some gory clips from Passion
You may even hire Joyce from Hill Street Blues!
You may think you’re the Messiah
But you’re just a sad pariah
And for all that stupid thinking you must lose.

So, despite your acting work
When you come off like a jerk
There’s no dream-team corps of lawyers you can use...
You may cover up the facts
And show trailers from Mad Max
But your efforts will be useless
When you come off hating Jews!

You can have your agent call us,
Send us stills of William Wallace

GIRLS:
Send us DVDs of Lethal Weapon 2!

You haven't got a clue,
Anti-semitism’s in you,
All of your Hollywood goodwill you’re bound to lose!

There's a very small percentile,
Who’ll forgive a pighead Gentile,
I'm sad to be the one with this bad news!
But never mind your swordplay,
You just won't succeed on Broadway,
Or in Hollywood or TV
When you keep on blaming Jews!

Mel, can you hear me?

*Actual quote from the police report

(For the first ten people who don't recognize the melody to that, it's here.)

Comments

[bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com]

That icon is great. :-P

[tinnabelle.livejournal.com]

Ray, you are truly weird. explains why i love you.