Just another afternoon laughing about death and despair....

[captainsblog]

The headline story on (at least the online version of) the local fishwrap promised to be a sad one. I knew that the moment I clicked on it. Even sadder, though, was that I also knew I was gonna see a totally inappropriate advertisement placed next to it.  And sure enough....







The actual link to the story is here, if you really want to get the faboo effect of the Javascript in the casino ad next to the story. This is exactly the kind of thing that human editors/proofreaders/composing room people used to get paid to catch. 

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Then Came Bronson Word of the death of Hollywood icon Aaron Spelling. My dear (and calls-it-like-she-sees-it) Friend beccak1961 was the first on my Flist to comment on it, predicting that

I'm sure you're in heaven right now fitting the Angels for jiggly bras.

Well, I had to take that, not only as well and funnily said, but as the beginning of yet another Top Ten List. So here, slightly fixed from the original, are the rest of them....



9) The part of Metatron, the Voice of the One True God, will now be played by John Forsythe.

8) Arrival of souls announced by tuxedoed dwarf who calls out, "Look, boss, de plane, de plane!"

7) St. Peter- out. Captain Stubing- in.

6) God doesn't have an only Son but rather a Daughter, and she's a bitch.

5) In a scandal fast surpassing that revealed in DaVinci Code, the Blessed Virgin Mary is fired in a contract dispute and replaced by Tanya Roberts.

4) Heaven's zip code changed to 90210.

3) On Judgment Day, Christ demands royalties for him infringing for all these years on His Father's copyrights in that "Seventh Heaven" business.

2) Satan is finally revealed to be Heather Locklear.

And the number one sign of Aaron Spelling's arrival in heaven:

1) The Holy Trinity conclusively shown to consist of Pete, Linc and Julie, while theologians struggle to interpret the role of Captain Greer.

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I'd better go mow the lawn before the thunderstorms arrive.