An Open Letter to Her Majesty
May. 13th, 2012 12:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
captainsblogTo Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, and titular head of the BBC:
Hi. Howya doin? How's the fam? Keeping the boys and the heiresses out of trouble, I hope. No unexpected visits from Batman, either, I expect, though with all these blockbuster films being set in major cities you really never can tell.
Sorry I missed your birthday; you know, the real one. I figured I'd work this in before the official one, and ahead of all the Diamond Jubilee crap wot's going to be coming in next month. Since I'm sure you're busy, I'll cut to the chase:
I'd like my citizenship back, please.
Actually, just a small piece of it. I refer back to that last bit I added to your title up above, about the Beeb. I cannot tell you how much influence that organisation has had throughout my life, from those first teenage days when Monty Python first made it across the pond, but even more so now, when so much of my entertainment emanates from Broadcasting House. From my late discovery of the Doctor (I take it you've met; if not, your PM certainly has from time to time); to Mr. Sherlock Holmes (who I know to have been in the building); across the alphabetic queries of QI; through the reworkings of Douglas Adams most recently in Dirk Gently; to even the audio-only adventures of Golf Tango India. Through all of these, Your Majesty, I've become almost a full-time Anglophile.
And, I must confess, nearly all of it has been without Your Royal Blessing. Most of it, in fact, is either delayed or made completely inaccessible to us here in the severed colonies unless we resort to, shall we say, questionable means. Your Government's official explanation for such limitations is that it is for the protection of your subjects who duly pay the licence fee for watching the telly within your sacred borders.
Right. I understand that it is currently set at £145.50 for a colour set. Where shall I send the cheque? (The next few days would be ideal, since on Friday, the USA division of one of Your Majesty's banks, HSBC, will be nuking Western New York State off of its international map and I will no longer be able to make online transfers in sterling.)
In exchange, I merely ask for access to the iPlayer for all current BBC programming, legal downloads of radio programmes, and a match to be lit under the arse of your subject John Fennimore to get Cabin Pressure Series 4 on the air.
If the current licence arrangement doesn't enable this sort of payment, fear not. I have enclosed a copy of the current RSCPA dog licence form, with the word "dog" crossed out and the word "telly" written on it in crayon.
In all seriousness, there are a lot of us over here who would welcome the opportunity to do such a thing. I know, however, that things that are so win-win, and make so much sense, would never overcome rights issues. 'Tis good to dream about it, though.
Awaiting the curtsey of your reply, I remain,
Your most humble obedient servant,
Raymond of West New York
Hi. Howya doin? How's the fam? Keeping the boys and the heiresses out of trouble, I hope. No unexpected visits from Batman, either, I expect, though with all these blockbuster films being set in major cities you really never can tell.
Sorry I missed your birthday; you know, the real one. I figured I'd work this in before the official one, and ahead of all the Diamond Jubilee crap wot's going to be coming in next month. Since I'm sure you're busy, I'll cut to the chase:
I'd like my citizenship back, please.
Actually, just a small piece of it. I refer back to that last bit I added to your title up above, about the Beeb. I cannot tell you how much influence that organisation has had throughout my life, from those first teenage days when Monty Python first made it across the pond, but even more so now, when so much of my entertainment emanates from Broadcasting House. From my late discovery of the Doctor (I take it you've met; if not, your PM certainly has from time to time); to Mr. Sherlock Holmes (who I know to have been in the building); across the alphabetic queries of QI; through the reworkings of Douglas Adams most recently in Dirk Gently; to even the audio-only adventures of Golf Tango India. Through all of these, Your Majesty, I've become almost a full-time Anglophile.
And, I must confess, nearly all of it has been without Your Royal Blessing. Most of it, in fact, is either delayed or made completely inaccessible to us here in the severed colonies unless we resort to, shall we say, questionable means. Your Government's official explanation for such limitations is that it is for the protection of your subjects who duly pay the licence fee for watching the telly within your sacred borders.
Right. I understand that it is currently set at £145.50 for a colour set. Where shall I send the cheque? (The next few days would be ideal, since on Friday, the USA division of one of Your Majesty's banks, HSBC, will be nuking Western New York State off of its international map and I will no longer be able to make online transfers in sterling.)
In exchange, I merely ask for access to the iPlayer for all current BBC programming, legal downloads of radio programmes, and a match to be lit under the arse of your subject John Fennimore to get Cabin Pressure Series 4 on the air.
If the current licence arrangement doesn't enable this sort of payment, fear not. I have enclosed a copy of the current RSCPA dog licence form, with the word "dog" crossed out and the word "telly" written on it in crayon.
In all seriousness, there are a lot of us over here who would welcome the opportunity to do such a thing. I know, however, that things that are so win-win, and make so much sense, would never overcome rights issues. 'Tis good to dream about it, though.
Awaiting the curtsey of your reply, I remain,
Your most humble obedient servant,
Raymond of West New York
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no subject
Date: 2012-05-13 07:17 pm (UTC)Sadly, my mom's late father was adopted, and had the bad luck to be aboard the only Coast Guard vessel sunk by enemy fire in World War II (lost with all hands), so her side of the family is hard to trace. But we think some of it came from Nova Scotia, to which the good loyal British subjects repaired during the late unpleasantness with the tea and such.
My brother is a subject of the Crown by marriage (his husband is British). I personally purchased a TV license (monochrome) in 1976 when I was living in Kempston.
This should surely count for something, Your Majesty.
no subject
Date: 2012-05-13 08:39 pm (UTC)And I'd like proper citizenship here too. *sigh* I'd save so much on university fees...
no subject
Date: 2012-05-15 01:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-15 02:01 am (UTC)