captainsblog | May. 6th, 2023

We did not get up early to watch any of the pomp and circumstance of the first English coronation of my lifetime. Plenty of people commented on it, including one providing this screenshot:

I dunno, Chuckles. Given the unfortunate history of that regal name, I'd be pretty worried about his Roman numeral getting, um,... >cut off.

There's plenty other shit to watch, though, and we usually put in a couple of hours during and after dinner each night with the half dozen or so things we're following at any given time. I've commented here about how hard it is to keep track of all the different services they put these things on, but we’ve more recently come to the conclusion that our tv with the 157 different streaming services is basically showing us just one big interconnected show, with the remote just giving us the illusion of choice.

You want evidence? I did ma RESURCH!

(1) The other night, we ended with episode 4 of Mrs. Davis on Peacock, and tonight we started with episode 6 of Mrs. Maisel on Prime. Different channels, writers, studios. Yet songs by Jim Croce, hardly a household name today, show up in both soundtracks.

(2) That same Maisel episode had a Three Dog Night song in its soundtrack (along with an alleged appearance at Miriam's 1973 wedding BY Three Dog Night). So what shows up tonight in the third episode of Sweet Tooth on Netflix? "Shambala" by that same band.

(3) After Midge the other night, we switched to Sam- the S2 premiere of Somebody Somewhere on the Home Box. Who’s the featured supporting male character in each? A guy named Joel.

(4) Another network, you say? How about an ABC show on Hulu, The Company You Keep? Fine- no connection there- until Tony Shalhoub travels 200 miles down 95 and 60 years forward in time from playing Miriam's papa.

(5) Even more Maisel mashup: George on her new day job is Frank from Succession!

Only Ted Lasso seems disconnected from the rest of the Maisel Matrix. Or so they WANT us to believe….

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Many of these channels are ad-supported, especially the ones on Hulu and Peacock. The overwhelming majority of the ads on those shows are for prescription drugs being direct marketed to patients. The US is one of only two countries to allow such advertising, albeit with regulation. (New Zealand is the other.) Since this practice was first allowed here in the 80s, the floodgates have opened to convince would-be users to nag their doctors for the drugs of their dreams by name for at least as long as their patents last. Often, the patents last longer than the patients, as the shortened list of side effects and negative interactions with other meds and conditions are cheerfully rattled off over scenes of happy seniors playing happy games and living happy lives until, you know, one leg suddenly falls off and you die.

That's not our recent focus, though, as we cheerfully watch these ads for shit we will never take. Rather, we've been paying attention to the names of the meds in the corners of the commercials. Highlighted, of course, is the brand name of the patented pharmaceutical, usually a brilliant portmanteau of potency. That beautiful name will be trademarked and trade-dressed by the inventing pharma company forever, unlike the patent for the actual chemicals in it that will be (supposedly) limited to 17 years. But just as the discoverer of a continent or planet gets to name it, these companies get to give the chemical compound their forever "generic name"- the one that competitors will have to use when the patent on the drug itself expires. Older drugs like ibuprofen, marketed as Advil, predated the current practice of making the generic name as tongue-twisty and disgusting as possible, to subtly discourage patients from asking their doctor to dispense the identical molecules at a far lower cost.

And so, this is our new game when watching shows on Hulu, Peacock and other ad supported streamers:

Generic Drug Name Bon Mots!

Let me introduce our first four contestants, from just one single ABC sitcom on Hulu. Remember, it’s not the first-listed fancy trademarked name that counts, but the second-listed name for the generic version they try to make really complicated and gross to discourage you from Asking Your Doctor to dispense it!

I think this one is what the Knights Who Until Recently Said NI! changed their names to.

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Willy Wonka's Oompa Loompa song works here:

♫Ofa, tumu, ofatumanab,
I was born in a Big Pharma Lab,
Ofa tumu, ofatumye!,
Side effects are mild but you'll possibly die!♫

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Now this one's the most normal generic name we saw. I think he used to play right field for the Mets.

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And finally, returning to the telly we didn't watch:

Hard to pronounce, but still, technically, the sovereign ruler of all England until Ocrechuckumab's coronation this weekend.