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Coming around about Comings-Out
Dec. 15th, 2014 08:43 pmI saw a new name on my Facebook timeline yesterday morning; I recognised the last name but not the first. A little scrolling-back to the friend's own page revealed what the Annoying Top Story Filters had caused me to miss: Kristin, a longtime friend of mine from LJ, had recently come out in her new gender identity.
In the not-too-surprising category, I'd put both the news (it sort of fit aspects of her personality back when it was his) and my reaction to it: Oh. Good for her. I mentioned it to Eleanor, whose reaction was largely the same, as it was, apparently, for Kristin's wife of several years, who reported and embraced the change in her own Facebook status.
It wasn't that long ago, though, that for me, this kind of transition would've gotten filed under "It's Complicated"- or worse.
----
Living a dull suburban white people existence, I was close to completely unaware of gender identity issues for the first third of my life. If I was, it was something that either happened far away (references to "going to Scandinavia") or was highly unusual if reported on at all (the first I can recall being the doctor/tennis pro Richard Raskind, who became Renee Richards and the subject of any number of funny-to-a-teenager jokes).
Over the next couple of decades, I gained much more awareness of, and empathy for, the LG half of the LGBT equation. In a sad backward sort of way, it took my pre-existing disdain for the aw-shucks persona of Ronald Reagan to hate him, as well, for his unforgivable treatment (or lack thereof) of gay men during the 1980s AIDS crisis. Yet there was still little talk, and even less understanding, in the country at large of what transgender was all about. I remained confused by the public and comic images- of Tim Curry as the sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylania, or of Eric Idle's petulant pronouncement, mocking political movements of the 30's (AD) and 80's (1900s) in demanding, from now on, you shall refer to me as Loretta.
Yet tolerance tends to get to you, and in time, I found myself meeting, and befriending, good people, smart people, funny people of all genders- current and former. The strongest cure for prejudice is exposure to those who you are prejudiced against- and it was, really, only in the past few years that I gained enough of such contact for me to shed a childhood of inhibitions and a lifetime of cultural misconceptions and to add the T to my acronym of acceptance with a full understanding and a full heart.
Until yesterday, though, I had never been present for, or even close to, the rebirth- and I reacted with, yes, pride when I realised that my reaction was nothing other than Oh. Good for her.
----
Will I get it entirely right? Probably not; I expect I'll have my own occasional pronoun trouble and mis-monikering, but most of that is a combination of my usual old age and stubbornness about name changes when it comes to things like streets, and Kristin has forgiven such slips in advance, which I appreciate. My biggest problem with the whole thing will likely be remembering whether to end the name with -in or -en, and that, my Friend, is probably the least of anyones' problems:)
In the not-too-surprising category, I'd put both the news (it sort of fit aspects of her personality back when it was his) and my reaction to it: Oh. Good for her. I mentioned it to Eleanor, whose reaction was largely the same, as it was, apparently, for Kristin's wife of several years, who reported and embraced the change in her own Facebook status.
It wasn't that long ago, though, that for me, this kind of transition would've gotten filed under "It's Complicated"- or worse.
----
Living a dull suburban white people existence, I was close to completely unaware of gender identity issues for the first third of my life. If I was, it was something that either happened far away (references to "going to Scandinavia") or was highly unusual if reported on at all (the first I can recall being the doctor/tennis pro Richard Raskind, who became Renee Richards and the subject of any number of funny-to-a-teenager jokes).
Over the next couple of decades, I gained much more awareness of, and empathy for, the LG half of the LGBT equation. In a sad backward sort of way, it took my pre-existing disdain for the aw-shucks persona of Ronald Reagan to hate him, as well, for his unforgivable treatment (or lack thereof) of gay men during the 1980s AIDS crisis. Yet there was still little talk, and even less understanding, in the country at large of what transgender was all about. I remained confused by the public and comic images- of Tim Curry as the sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylania, or of Eric Idle's petulant pronouncement, mocking political movements of the 30's (AD) and 80's (1900s) in demanding, from now on, you shall refer to me as Loretta.
Yet tolerance tends to get to you, and in time, I found myself meeting, and befriending, good people, smart people, funny people of all genders- current and former. The strongest cure for prejudice is exposure to those who you are prejudiced against- and it was, really, only in the past few years that I gained enough of such contact for me to shed a childhood of inhibitions and a lifetime of cultural misconceptions and to add the T to my acronym of acceptance with a full understanding and a full heart.
Until yesterday, though, I had never been present for, or even close to, the rebirth- and I reacted with, yes, pride when I realised that my reaction was nothing other than Oh. Good for her.
----
Will I get it entirely right? Probably not; I expect I'll have my own occasional pronoun trouble and mis-monikering, but most of that is a combination of my usual old age and stubbornness about name changes when it comes to things like streets, and Kristin has forgiven such slips in advance, which I appreciate. My biggest problem with the whole thing will likely be remembering whether to end the name with -in or -en, and that, my Friend, is probably the least of anyones' problems:)