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Not long after my previous observation about the current state of Broadway theater- about the whole bloody lot coming from adaptations of movies- I heard the inner voice going, yeah, so what would YOU use as source material, huh?
I gotta stop listening to that voice. For here we are, ready for our big Opening (and probably Closing) Night:
BIBLE- THE MUSICAL!
ACT ONE
ADAM and his wife, CHRISTMAS EVE, have just infected the human race with original sin and, worse, just got evicted from the best rent-controlled property in town. Despondent, they wander through the outer neighborhoods until they hear,.... singing?
COMPANY
God caught you and you were condemned to roam,
There are angels with swords guarding your old home,
And you've got no place to go to seek shalom,
Except here in the Garden of Q!
You'll live in the Garden of Q!
(Your friends do, too.)
The world may be scary and new
But you'll live in the Garden of Q!
(other characters introduced here include GARY COLEMAN as the Head Gardener; TREKKIE MONSTER, with a fascination for the Song of Solomon; and ROD and NICKY, who eventually wind up responsible for most of the prohibitions in the book of Leviticus)
----
ACT TWO
LOT has just been tipped off to the destruction of the original Twin Cities metropolitan area, and he and MRS. LOT head for the hills. But what mass destruction of humanity should be without a song?
MRS. LOT
The LORD's gonna smite.... Gomorrah!
By this time tomorrow, all Gomorrah will be gone.
It's gonna get hot, Gomorrah!
You and Sodom soon will both be covered, in brimstone!
Gomorrah! Gomorrah! I'll miss ya ! Gomorrah!
You won't be a dayyyyyy aaaaa wayyyyyy!
GOD
::turns the singer into a pillar of salt::
----
ACT THREE
By this time, God has finally realized that His chosen people need rules. So he sets out to make some.
GOD
Noshing on bugs or on cloven-hoofed entrees,
Meat mixed with dairy and cooking on Saturdays,
Eating a fish if it doesn't have fins-
These are a few of my favorite sins.
All kinds of sex and that fun fornication,
"That time of the month" and, of course, masturbation,
Blowjobs to anyone still with foreskins-
These are a few of my favorite sins.
When the leper comes! With his skin rash!
And he seems to swell,
Just simply remember my favorite sins
Or you'll be condemned.... tooooo..... helll!
----
Still to come: Samson doing the original version of "Bend and Snap!", David's adaptation of "I Just Can't Wait to be King," and Job singing "Always Look on the Dark Side of Life." Plus five original songs from Phil Collins, except we're still negotiating because he only wants to write them about Genesis.
I gotta stop listening to that voice. For here we are, ready for our big Opening (and probably Closing) Night:
BIBLE- THE MUSICAL!
ACT ONE
ADAM and his wife, CHRISTMAS EVE, have just infected the human race with original sin and, worse, just got evicted from the best rent-controlled property in town. Despondent, they wander through the outer neighborhoods until they hear,.... singing?
COMPANY
God caught you and you were condemned to roam,
There are angels with swords guarding your old home,
And you've got no place to go to seek shalom,
Except here in the Garden of Q!
You'll live in the Garden of Q!
(Your friends do, too.)
The world may be scary and new
But you'll live in the Garden of Q!
(other characters introduced here include GARY COLEMAN as the Head Gardener; TREKKIE MONSTER, with a fascination for the Song of Solomon; and ROD and NICKY, who eventually wind up responsible for most of the prohibitions in the book of Leviticus)
----
ACT TWO
LOT has just been tipped off to the destruction of the original Twin Cities metropolitan area, and he and MRS. LOT head for the hills. But what mass destruction of humanity should be without a song?
MRS. LOT
The LORD's gonna smite.... Gomorrah!
By this time tomorrow, all Gomorrah will be gone.
It's gonna get hot, Gomorrah!
You and Sodom soon will both be covered, in brimstone!
Gomorrah! Gomorrah! I'll miss ya ! Gomorrah!
You won't be a dayyyyyy aaaaa wayyyyyy!
GOD
::turns the singer into a pillar of salt::
----
ACT THREE
By this time, God has finally realized that His chosen people need rules. So he sets out to make some.
GOD
Noshing on bugs or on cloven-hoofed entrees,
Meat mixed with dairy and cooking on Saturdays,
Eating a fish if it doesn't have fins-
These are a few of my favorite sins.
All kinds of sex and that fun fornication,
"That time of the month" and, of course, masturbation,
Blowjobs to anyone still with foreskins-
These are a few of my favorite sins.
When the leper comes! With his skin rash!
And he seems to swell,
Just simply remember my favorite sins
Or you'll be condemned.... tooooo..... helll!
----
Still to come: Samson doing the original version of "Bend and Snap!", David's adaptation of "I Just Can't Wait to be King," and Job singing "Always Look on the Dark Side of Life." Plus five original songs from Phil Collins, except we're still negotiating because he only wants to write them about Genesis.