Top Ten Surprises for Jerry Falwell on Arrival at Heaven

10. "I'm sorry, Mr. Falwell, but I've checked thoroughly. There's no ticket for you left by anyone named 'Reagan, Ronald.' In fact, we don't seem to have any record of him at all."

9.  Charles Darwin and Clarence Darrow get to decide how many millions of years he'll rot in hell.

8.  Television in his holding cell only broadcasts Teletubbies.

7.  Bill and Hillary did not secretly plot his death, nor, for that matter, anyone else's.

6. First saint he encountered was Cleavon Little, scaring him into yet another heart attack with the words, "Hey, where are the white women at?"

5. Stash of Kruggerands hidden in his coffin prove to be totally worthless.

4. Each day, a 9/11 victim gets to drag his soul to a flaming pile of World Trade Center rubble and say to him,  "You helped this happen."

3. God's running totals of "moral" and "majority" totally unaffected by his demise.

2. Buddha, Confucius and Mohammad, along with many of their followers, surprisingly seen inside the Pearly Gates.

and the number one surprise for Jerry Falwell on arriving at the gates of heaven....

1. Adam and Steve are manning the door today, and boy are they pissed.