George Romero had it all wrong....

[captainsblog]

It was supposed to be bloody. And gory. And darned theatrical. Armies of brain dead automatons, moving forward in the streets, crying out the name of the one thing they needed. All determined to “turn” the slow, the scared, the unarmed. Even defensive weapons were largely useless against them. You had to aim for the head.

Yet it wasn’t that way at all. This infestation began like so many others did, an airborne infection catching everyone by surprise. But the zombies didn’t rise up. They stayed down. And the good scientists did their job, and found a way to stop the spread. It was developed amazingly fast,  became readily available, and involved no cost and a little risk. We were saved!

And then the stupid began.

——

This time, ordinary people didn’t run from the zombies. They weren’t afraid of them. They were afraid of the scientists. They'd heard strange stories about microchips, and Tom Hanks, and some really weird shit about voting machine routers.

They welcomed being turned. They rejected the prevention. They were easily spotted. Only instead of the B word coming out of their mouth’s, it was phrases like, DOOOO YOUR REEESEARCHHHH! And BIGGGGG PHARRRRMAAAA! Their army formed, not in the streets, but on social media, and talk radio, and these really stupid cable channels. This time, they were the ones with the guns, only it was their words aiming at the heads.

And thanks to them, the infestation mutated. Even those who had taken the precautions, gotten the vaccine, worn the mask, were suddenly vulnerable again. They, too, could be turned.

The one stereotypical word you never heard in this telling was BRAINNNS. Because these particular zombies weren’t seeking them. They never had them to begin with.

Comments

Oh Jesus

[dauntless_heart]

When this all started, I told Dave we were lucky it wasn't the zombie apocalypse, because our government handled it so badly. But wow. This isn't even funny.

Seen recently in the interwilds...

[angledge]

I guess we should retire the phrase "avoid it like the plague" given how little effort people put into avoiding an actual plague.