Calling Rent-a-Dad. Even though it Hertz a little.

[captainsblog]

There are lots of fathers on Facebook this morning. Snapshots, even sepia, and happy memories being shared with their dads, or mourning their memories.

I got nothin'- but I'm happy to borrow what everyone else has.

Part of it is just time: I've been fatherless now for just short of half my lifetime. I'll cross that non-rainbowy bridge next year, when I turn 54 and it's 27 of No Dad.  Of that other half, I remember little, and even less of it that was good.

I remember the bursts of anger and miserliness over the smallest of things.

I remember the extent he controlled the jobless, carless wife and whatever combination of children (mostly just me) were in the house.

I remember the vacations- the ones he took by himself.

I remember him always being there for occasions- graduations, confirmation, anywhere Not Being Seen would be noticed- but I also remember him rejecting any activity of mine, be it sports or scouts, that would require a commitment of time or money from him.

I remember never wanting to visit a lick of that if, and eventually when, I became a father- and that phase of my life is now past the one-third mark and heading for halfway.  I've tried to do and say the things I never heard from my father- and to avoid the things I had way too much for any kid to have to take.  Much more often than not, I think I've succeeded at that.

As for today?  I have the memories of my nieces' father, now a few years passed but with his first grandson, who each day turns more and more into a miniaturized and lovingly preserved clone of him.

I have the wakeup soundtrack of John Pizzarelli, joined for his weekly radio show by his father Bucky, who took his then 9-year-old son to sing backup on a Roberta Flack record.

I have my father-in-law, whose 100th birthday falls next month- 25-plus years after his passing. Eleanor's stories of him, and preservation of his best qualities, are the kinds of things I see, and miss.

Any others of yours you want to let me borrow for the day? Bring 'em on.  I promise to return them in the good condition you loaned them in.

Comments

[symian.livejournal.com]

My father is still with me. He'll be 80 this year.

To be honest, I ignore the past. Not forget, mind you, just ignore. I focus on the last 5 years more than the 45 years before because, well, he was a dick. More bad memories than good, so to speak.

*sighs*

Today is Father's Day and I took him out on Friday to celebrate it. I did that to be sure my sister would be there, because otherwise she'd probably have been ill, or hung over, or missing in action for some other reason.

We had a good time and that's that. No worries.

[stress-kitten.livejournal.com]

My memories of my father are checkered as well... and more to the negative than the positive.

However, he loved/loves me as much as he is able to love anyone, and I have chosen to focus on that more than the harm done to me by his other choices.

(He left before I walked the stage in my high school graduation... he was bored, and doesn't like sitting through things like that.)

He doesn't have the power to hurt me any more... and that makes any relationship with him much easier to accomplish.

My step-father, on the other hand, shows a much greater tendency towards selflessness... especially as it relates to family and what "should" be done by family. Even when it wars with his personal nature. I am honoured to know him and have him part of my life.

My father-in-law is going to be a huge hole this year. :-( Frazer has many, many strong memories of his unflinching adherence to what was right, and his tormenting his children with wild stories of things he'd done and knew, many of which were patently false, but delivered so dead-pan and so convincingly, that Frazer was sure that his father knew every ferry-boat captain working out of Horseshoe Bay, and that his father had regularly had tea with the Queen. :-)

[greenquotebook.livejournal.com]

Sorry I'm reading this late. (((HUGS)))