Nothing says New Years Day like Blasphemy!
Jan. 1st, 2012 05:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
captainsblogWith all speculation about the Mayan calendar going on, I can't believe we've completely missed the REAL significance of the year on the Christian calendar. It's 2012, so we've got to start planning for the bimillenial observance of Christ's coming of age in the Jewish tradition. Somehow, there's no mention of His bar mitzvah in any of the Gospels, but scholars have amazingly uncovered these 15- smash!- these TEN actual quotes from the day of the happy occasion!
10. "Oy, we've got to wait for Aunt Esther and Uncle Heshie to get here. They missed the reservation deadline and have to shlep in from a manger on the West Bank."
9. "Quit fighting, you two. There's an aliyah for Moses AND one for Elijah."
8. "Who invited all these sinners in here?"
7. "Oh, Mary, you must be so proud at how Jesus nailed His Torah passage." "Um, thanks, but don't say 'nailed,' please."
6. "Let he who is without sin cast the first piece of candy."
5. "Judas! Don't just stand there in the corner avoiding all the other guests."
4. "Heh heh, I know there's no alcohol for the kids, but I know this cool trick...."
3. "Horah, shmorah. I want to do the Electric Slide, Mom!"
2. "Don't hold out on us, Peter! You got drunk on jello shots at John the Baptist's bar mitzvah! Don't deny it!"
And the number one line overheard at the Bar Mitzvah of Our Lord....
1. "I wish the DJ would play something other than all these Dad-damned hymns!"
10. "Oy, we've got to wait for Aunt Esther and Uncle Heshie to get here. They missed the reservation deadline and have to shlep in from a manger on the West Bank."
9. "Quit fighting, you two. There's an aliyah for Moses AND one for Elijah."
8. "Who invited all these sinners in here?"
7. "Oh, Mary, you must be so proud at how Jesus nailed His Torah passage." "Um, thanks, but don't say 'nailed,' please."
6. "Let he who is without sin cast the first piece of candy."
5. "Judas! Don't just stand there in the corner avoiding all the other guests."
4. "Heh heh, I know there's no alcohol for the kids, but I know this cool trick...."
3. "Horah, shmorah. I want to do the Electric Slide, Mom!"
2. "Don't hold out on us, Peter! You got drunk on jello shots at John the Baptist's bar mitzvah! Don't deny it!"
And the number one line overheard at the Bar Mitzvah of Our Lord....
1. "I wish the DJ would play something other than all these Dad-damned hymns!"
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Date: 2012-01-01 11:04 am (UTC)Love it. Love it love it love it.
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Date: 2012-01-01 11:08 am (UTC)And before someone says it, I know, it's not until the 13th birthday, but these things take time to plan, and besides, what if the Mayans ARE right?
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Date: 2012-01-01 11:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 11:24 am (UTC)"Mr. Pilate? Someone omnipotent is here to see you...."
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Date: 2012-01-01 01:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 07:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 10:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 10:55 pm (UTC)Can I repost this on our other blog? I'll credit you however you wish.
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Date: 2012-01-01 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 11:09 pm (UTC)Also, Wi not trei a holiday in Sweeden this yer?