In Which Joseph of Arimathea Sells the Turbine Rights to the Holy Sephulcre

[captainsblog]

Because that Jesus, he's gonna be doin' a whole lot of spinnin':P

Our Gospel reading this week was the Woman Caught In Adultery bit from John. It's not the lectionary reading used in most churches this week, but we've apparently subscribed to some kind of Pledge Drive Series that makes it relevant.

The creepiness on this subject had actually begun earlier- read on, my children- but it began its creepy end in church when I saw they'd picked this as the bulletin cover- using the quote, mind, directly from the subject Bible passage about a woman caught screwin' around:


WTF does THAT picture have to do with the story? The would-be sinner looks more like a Cub Scout than a Cougar.

I also had to resist snickers over the version of the story I remember someone telling in high school:

Jesus replied to the Pharisees, "Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone." And he smiled, smugly, at how he'd caught them in such a puff of logic, until he saw a rock whizzing by and cracking the adulterer in the head.

Jesus looked upon the assaulter in shock and exclaimed, "MOTHER!!"

Yet none of this compares to the even weirder tale of Holy Christian Matrimony from the Wackadoodles last week. Behold, the Gospel according to Pat:

Watch on YouTube

Ahem. My Mother died of Alzheimers/dementia. That was NOT a "kind of death," Pat. Her DEATH was a kind of death. Just because you want to make it easier for Newt Gingrich to dump his next trophy in the trash while still getting the Jesus vote, keep it the goddamn fuck off my monitor.

I need to go mow a lawn.

Comments

[floundah.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about your mother. Sanctimonious little shits like Pat Robertson need to go away. Now.

[bill_sheehan.livejournal.com]

The story of the woman found in adultery is already a late addition, unquestionably not part of the original Gospel of John. And now we discover that it was really a miscreant schoolboy who should go and sin no more.

Pat Robertson has proven a contention I've made before: claiming that the Bible is inerrant is simply stating that one's own interpretation is infallible. And now, by his interpretation, we learn that "till death us do part" is a moveable feast, and we can be justified in abandoning a spouse in their hour of greatest need.

But it's all OK, because Christians are forgiven...

[headbanger118.livejournal.com]

EEEEEEK! And Rawr to the Little League Courgar Mom!

Pat Robertson's mouth needs to be sewn shut...with barbed wire.

[firynze.livejournal.com]

That...that image really does not belong with that sermon. O_o

[liddle-oldman.livejournal.com]

Isn't he the one who announced that if we didn't send him all our money, Jesus would kill him?

(That's always reminded me of the scene in Blazing Saddles where the sheriff backs everyone off by holding a gun to his own head and declaring "He'll do it! He's crazy!".)

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Isn't he the one who announced that if we didn't send him all our money, Jesus would kill him?

I think you're thinking of Oral Roberts. In January 1987, during a fundraising drive, Roberts announced to a television audience that unless he raised $8 million by that March, God would "call him home."

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

One wonders why Oral never bothered to spend the few dollars necessary for a name change proceeding once he started bringing the Jesus. I even have recollections of him naming his son Oral, Junior, but this blog post (http://thewhitedsepulchre.blogspot.com/2007/11/there-is-no-oral-roberts-jr-his-name-is.html) pretty well debunked that.