Ben there. Done that.

[captainsblog]

When Eleanor and I first resumed going to church pretty much every Sunday, a few years back, we sat with some friends about midway down the left hand side of the sanctuary. After they moved away early last year, we stayed in that spot, but in time, the remaining immediate company became a bit annoying. Right behind us was one agglomeration of families who've always been nails-on-a-blackboard around us, including a son who was in Emily's confirmation class and listed Who Reads Anymore as one of his Facebook interests, and his younger sister, who worked her way through a subsequent class where I mentored another kid, spending more time reading Twilight than she did any of the materials. 

Just as bad, though, was the row of biddies on the other side of them, who constantly had Something To Say about anything going on that they didn't like.  For a few weeks sometime a year or so ago, they had Plenty To Say about a crying baby on the other side of the center aisle. We have a fully staffed nursery, with paid and trained attendants, but some parents just aren't comfortable relying on that service. One Sunday, the baby cried and cooed too much for the biddies' liking, and while we'd done a perfectly fine job tuning him out, it was as annoying as hell to have to listen to them constantly complaining about him.  A week later, it was announced that Ben was in Childrens Hospital with a serious condition. I practically stared down the biddies when I heard that report, hoping they were enjoying their sudden peace and quiet at the little guy's expense.

After he came back the next week or so, no worse for wear, we did the Christian thing to do under the circumstances: we moved. Over to his side and usually within a row of him, where, over the past year or so, we've become quite fond of Ben and his family.  He's recently become a walker, and my is he the talker. On the Sundays when he's there (most of them) and he makes it through the whole service (most of those), it's just a joy seeing him react, and reach out, and receive and give the very kind of love that's being preached about- even if it is occasionally hard to hear the entire text over him. 

This morning, being one of those full-up holiday Sundays, we didn't get there in time to have a chance at sitting in our usual spot, so we wound up much closer to the front- as did Ben and his family, a row in front of us, when they arrived a few moments after we did. He was in fine form today, even though I saw the Tylenol dropper come out at least once for teething or whatever. Ben smiles, and picks his holder (Grandma and his aunt and uncle were both there to help out today), high-fives everyone within three rows, and is now fascinated anytime he hears anybody else crying during the service, with chants of  "Bay-bee!"  coming from him.  Unlike the biddies on the left, we've all come not only to tolerate him, but to anticipate and find the wonder there is in seeing that much irrepressible innocence.

There have been some tough times in his family this past year- especially among some people very close to his Mom- and we've seen her near tears telling us about some of those concerns. Yet we've also seen her coming out smiling, and Mom-ing him, not long after those moments of sadness, because as hard as suffering can be, it's even harder to do when you have such an instrument of joy in your presence.

So here's to you, Ben. We can always get copies of anything we miss on account of you, but we wouldn't miss a minute of you for the world:)

Comments

[murrday.livejournal.com]

Aww, so nice! Yay, Ben!

Abou Ben Adam, may his tribe increase! :)

[glenmarshall.livejournal.com]

One of the reasons I left the Christian (Episcopal) faith is the preponderance and, too often, dominance and judgmental people. Later-on in my reading I saw the phrase "shame-based religion" and it rang true in my experience. I would much sooner replace the "General Confession" with a "General Feeling Good About Oneself" in the Book of Common Prayer.

My new spiritual community is not shame-based. Rather, it emphasizes personal responsibility and accountability. It values charity and compassion. It devalues judgmental behavior. The change is far more than moving to a new pew, but similar in principal to yours.

[plantmom.livejournal.com]

I applaud you, dear. :) I have been told (within these electronic halls) I am not a Christian, yet I have no shame. I feel loved and loving, and cannot see any reason to change and feel otherwise.

Or, as we so often say around this household, "Bite me [naysayers]".

[digitalemur.livejournal.com]

The hell you aren't a Christian. The hell I say! Who are these assholes, what are their addresses, I will...

...do the Christian thing and dutifully ignore them. But I'll be angry on your behalf.

[bill_sheehan.livejournal.com]

Any priest, minister, or lay leader knows there's no lovelier sound in church than a wailing child. Sure, it's a bit disconcerting when preaching, but I'm a grown man with a good set of lungs - I can hold my own against a baby. I always made sure to have a word of reassurance for the mother.

In a couple weeks, the Congregational church in our town will hold its final service and close its doors. The Methodists aren't far behind. Either would give their eye teeth for kidlings in their congregations. It means the church is alive.

[plantmom.livejournal.com]

Amen. *Hugs*

[greenlily.livejournal.com]

The Rabbi at my family's synagogue has mentioned similar sentiments to bill_sheehan's regarding crying babies and fidgety toddlers. After the service, when everyone's putting on their coats and walking out, he goes out of his way to welcome families who've had the fortitude to bring their tiny ones with them.

Also, most of the regular atttendees at weekly Saturday services are grandparents and great-grandparents themselves. The parents of an unhappy baby are likely to be met, not with glares and censure, but with sympathetic smiles and an overwhelming amount of well-meaning advice. It's possible that this is, in fact, a subtle attempt to keep them from bringing the baby back too often. :)

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

Thanks:)

Also, I assume you caught the subtle GBS reference in there:)

[miss-katelynne.livejournal.com]

What a wonderful story about little Ben. I'm glad he brings so much joy to his momma's life, and to yours as well. :)

[firynze.livejournal.com]

Aww, the little guy sounds like a delight.

Ben's Mom

[khristina sly (from livejournal.com)]

I'd like to thank the captain & everyone for posting their positives & sympathies. Being our first child, figuring out "the rules" hasn't always been easy.

I had one guy (calling him a gentleman would be too kind) during a Sunday afternoon handbell concert tell me (in front of the bell ringers & audience) that I was rude for bringing my son to the concert because of all the practice the bell ringers put in to perform this concert & to the detriment of the other concertgoers. Needless to say, I sat through the last song in tears, cradling my son & hoping he didn't see my tears as I pointed at the silly reindeer headbands everyone donned for a rousing "Rudolph" finale.

I was raised Presbyterian but "converted" to Methodist when my husband & I were married (and moved back home). I did the Christan thing, and after the concert - amidst shouts from the guy & several audience members come to my defense - walked over to him, explained that my son enjoys music very much & apologized that my son disturbed his experience. He had a few more choice words for me, none of which were fit to be said in a church, let alone repeat here...and seeing that we were obviously at an impasse, I wished him a merry Christmas and may god bless. I don't think he's shown his face there since...

Again - thanks all for the uplifting words. My son brings me more joy than I could ever explain and I do thank God every single day for his life & letting me watch him grow. I only hope I can be half the mom mine was to me.