captainsblog | Since there's absolutely nothing I can add,....

(other than the links- to It Gets Better and Perfection), I'm just gonna repost my dear bride's words from earlier this morning:

Much of this I wrote as a comment to a friend's post about the disease of Perfection, but I thought I'd post it here and expand on the idea a bit.
In the past couple of days, I've been watching Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project videos. Often close to tears, I've been astounded at the strength, diversity, and beauty which abounds. Every one, gay, straight, bi, trans, whatever, suffers from the disconnect between what they know themselves to be and how the world sees them, as well as what value the world puts on that appearance.

I probably didn't have as bad a childhood as some people did, or the years of therapy have done so much good that I've forgotten a lot of it (*Ahem. Maybe just the YEARS have done that too*). However, my husband and I have always been aware that some awful things were done and said to us when we were young. Hardly a week goes by when we don't notice some resonance between something we're experiencing now and a memory, often painful. For us, the crucial thing has been to not give up. It is tempting. I'll admit I was waffling big-time when Emily was applying to colleges; all my insecurities came out and brought foul-smelling, one-eyed friends. When I look at and listen to her now, I am blown away by her self-assurance, her composure, her sociability. I had none of those things at her age.

About myself, now, first the bad: I stink at housekeeping. Then the good: I am a great gardener, a darn good photographer, a talented cook. I can design and construct fabulous garments, whether by knitting or sewing. I have a reputation, evidently deserved in fact, of being handy with anything tool-like, hand or power. I smile readily, laugh boomingly, excel at communicating with people and making them feel at ease. I like myself.

About Emily, I find it amazing that she has adjusted so well and so quickly to RIT. Yes, she's intelligent and motivated, but you never know whether your kid will truly survive in college, and given - again - my own experiences and those of my sister and brother, I knew that. Then there's the fact that her program is far more technical than what her education has been so far. Duh - it is, after all, the Rochester Institute of Technology. Still, I find it daunting and wonderful that she's learning extremely basic stuff about computers. Hot diggety dog.

My brother responded yesterday to an email I sent him eight days ago, with pictures of Em, the greenhouse, and the table and chairs out there. There was a tone to his response that seemed unusually self-deprecating. I felt sad when I read it, but I understand, I think. Ray and I, as parents, have gone to a place Charlie can't relate to. As profoundly astonishing as I find her growth, he would find it more so. After all, when we were growing up, he was the tech-head, the guy who was fascinated with electronics and gave me my first reel-to-reel tape recorder. When his dreams crashed and burned, he became almost as fearful of technology as he'd once been enamored of it. He's the only person I know who uses a scrambler on his telephone, and he objected to the idea of getting an enhanced driver's license, claiming that the government would use it to monitor us at times other than when we cross international borders.

So, seen through Charlie's eyes, my daughter is even more of a miracle. And at the same time, she's a well-rounded, normal kid, enjoying things kids enjoy. She ate out in the greenhouse with us last night. Not much - she'd already had her dinner by the time I got home from work. But she sat with us and talked. Ate a bit of tofu curry - few things delight me as much as her enthusiasm for my cooking. She shared just enough of her experiences but not too much. I am confident of her levelheaded approach.

We done good.

Tomorrow will mark 23 years since I took one of the shortest yet most important tests of my life. There were only two questions, and both answers were "yes." We done good in that respect, too::hugs::

Along similar lines, Happy 25th anniversary todayish to liddle_oldman and mrs_professor- another Two Fine People Who Love Each Other:)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From: (Anonymous)

Sharon and I are only a few years ahead of you chronologically. I think you might be ahead of us, though, in your appreciation of yourselves and each other. Congratulations!

Like Ray, I made at least one excellent decision in my life, and that was to say yes to my bride. This decision trumps a whole host of bad decisions made both before and since. Without my wife, I'd likely be living in a shotgun shack somewhere.