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captainsblogWASHINGTON-- Details of the $700 billion financial bailout bill finally began leaking from closed-door meetings among Congressional and Bush Administration leaders, as all parties gave it their blessing and set it for its initial votes on Monday morning.
House Republicans declared victory in their efforts to limit government involvement in the takeover of private markets, as Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio) ended his opposition effort begun late last week.
"We managed to cut $34 billion of liberal pork from this bill, leaving us with a lean and mean program tailored to protect the corporations and fat cats that make up our base," he declared.
The remaining $666 billion of bailout relief now goes to the full House.
Administration officials tried to alleviate growing concerns over the overall financial stability in the markets as stock exchanges and banks prepare to reopen for the first business day following the agreement. According to one source, "People would be unable to withdraw cash from their banks' ATM machines for a few hours," if this agreement had not been reached. In response, plans are already in place to replace such access with embedded computer chips on customers' hands and foreheads.
"Those pesky pieces of plastic are soooo 1970s, and bad for the environment. Our company has been pioneering SpeedPass technology for years," said ExxonMobil spokesman N.T. Christ. "This is just a logical final solution to the problem of people losing or forgetting their keyfobs."
Bush Administration officials announced that the President would be accompanied by a traveling circus on the White House grounds to celebrate his imminent signing of the bailout bill. The show will be highlighted by a musical performance by seven seals.
House Republicans declared victory in their efforts to limit government involvement in the takeover of private markets, as Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio) ended his opposition effort begun late last week.
"We managed to cut $34 billion of liberal pork from this bill, leaving us with a lean and mean program tailored to protect the corporations and fat cats that make up our base," he declared.
The remaining $666 billion of bailout relief now goes to the full House.
Administration officials tried to alleviate growing concerns over the overall financial stability in the markets as stock exchanges and banks prepare to reopen for the first business day following the agreement. According to one source, "People would be unable to withdraw cash from their banks' ATM machines for a few hours," if this agreement had not been reached. In response, plans are already in place to replace such access with embedded computer chips on customers' hands and foreheads.
"Those pesky pieces of plastic are soooo 1970s, and bad for the environment. Our company has been pioneering SpeedPass technology for years," said ExxonMobil spokesman N.T. Christ. "This is just a logical final solution to the problem of people losing or forgetting their keyfobs."
Bush Administration officials announced that the President would be accompanied by a traveling circus on the White House grounds to celebrate his imminent signing of the bailout bill. The show will be highlighted by a musical performance by seven seals.