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captainsblogUh uh! Don't touch that dial! There's excitement galore coming up in the next hour when you'll hear....
Barack! Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck ::glass shatters::
[reserved for really bad photoshopping of McCain's head onto this once LJ starts uploading pictures again:]
McCHICKENNNNNN MANNNNNNN!
(he's everywhere! he's everywhere!)
The most fantastic crisis-fixer the world has ever known!
----
John Sidney McCain, a mild-mannered man employed in Phoenix as a bank teller at the Charles Keating Savings and Loan, spends his weekends, his only two days off, striking terror into the hearts of Democrats everywhere as the white-winged warrior called McChickenman!
Return with us to the thrilling days of yesterday, to the secret Rovecave, located under the grounds of one of the eight Stately McCain Manors:
THE ROVER
It's no use, Winged Warrior. The Dementiamite still hasn't worn off, depriving you of your cognitive powers.
McCHICKENMAN
But the debate is just two days away! I have to learn, like, world capitals, and colors and stuff!
THE ROVER
A-ha! We've got it! We'll announce you're going back to Washington to help FIX this crisis!
McCHICKENMAN
Um, didn't Phil Gramm and Carly Fiorina and most of my other advisers CAUSE the crisis?
THE ROVER
(cackles)
Idiot fowl! We don't SAY that part! We have to make you LOOK all presidential, at least until your sidekick, Pregnant Ivy, can take over next February!
McCHICKENMAN
But...but....buck...buck....I can't duck a debate! I have to look like a war hero!
THE ROVER
Leave that to the Swift Boat ads! Right now we'd rather you look like a live duck than a dead chicken!
----
Enter PREGNANT IVY, with her hockey stick and lipstick.
P.I.
Winged Warrior! You won't believe who's on the phone! It's the OBAMANATOR, asking if you want to make a joint statement about the crisis to go above and beyond politics.
THE ROVER
(twirls mustache)
What an opportunity! Tell him our girl will get back to his girl! Then, run out and announce it yourself like it was YOUR idea and try to get them to call off the debate!
McCHICKENMAN
Does that mean I don't have to wear this burly radio receiver under my costume anymore?
P.I.
Of course not, Grampa. That still has the cattle prod implant in it in case you get out of line again.
----
And so it was that the world was saved again for democracy (or what little is left of it), thanks to the noble efforts of the man, the woman, the henchmen all behind,....
McCHICKENNNNNNN MANNNNNNNN!!!!!
Barack! Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck ::glass shatters::
[reserved for really bad photoshopping of McCain's head onto this once LJ starts uploading pictures again:]
McCHICKENNNNNN MANNNNNNN!
(he's everywhere! he's everywhere!)
The most fantastic crisis-fixer the world has ever known!
----
John Sidney McCain, a mild-mannered man employed in Phoenix as a bank teller at the Charles Keating Savings and Loan, spends his weekends, his only two days off, striking terror into the hearts of Democrats everywhere as the white-winged warrior called McChickenman!
Return with us to the thrilling days of yesterday, to the secret Rovecave, located under the grounds of one of the eight Stately McCain Manors:
THE ROVER
It's no use, Winged Warrior. The Dementiamite still hasn't worn off, depriving you of your cognitive powers.
McCHICKENMAN
But the debate is just two days away! I have to learn, like, world capitals, and colors and stuff!
THE ROVER
A-ha! We've got it! We'll announce you're going back to Washington to help FIX this crisis!
McCHICKENMAN
Um, didn't Phil Gramm and Carly Fiorina and most of my other advisers CAUSE the crisis?
THE ROVER
(cackles)
Idiot fowl! We don't SAY that part! We have to make you LOOK all presidential, at least until your sidekick, Pregnant Ivy, can take over next February!
McCHICKENMAN
But...but....buck...buck....I can't duck a debate! I have to look like a war hero!
THE ROVER
Leave that to the Swift Boat ads! Right now we'd rather you look like a live duck than a dead chicken!
----
Enter PREGNANT IVY, with her hockey stick and lipstick.
P.I.
Winged Warrior! You won't believe who's on the phone! It's the OBAMANATOR, asking if you want to make a joint statement about the crisis to go above and beyond politics.
THE ROVER
(twirls mustache)
What an opportunity! Tell him our girl will get back to his girl! Then, run out and announce it yourself like it was YOUR idea and try to get them to call off the debate!
McCHICKENMAN
Does that mean I don't have to wear this burly radio receiver under my costume anymore?
P.I.
Of course not, Grampa. That still has the cattle prod implant in it in case you get out of line again.
----
And so it was that the world was saved again for democracy (or what little is left of it), thanks to the noble efforts of the man, the woman, the henchmen all behind,....
McCHICKENNNNNNN MANNNNNNNN!!!!!