Tom's Stadium. Bills' Eulogy. Bern's Diner.

The pairing is set for two Super Sundays from now. The quarterback who terrorized the Bills for 20 years will be facing the quarterback the Bills passed on four years ago, the first time ever that a team has played in the game in its own home stadium.

And now, the eulogy for our beloveds: 

Confession, first. I wasn’t watching until nearly the end. We were watching Official Secrets. The Eleventh Doctor had a better game than anyone on the Bills, and even the actor best known for playing Voldemort came out of it looking pretty good.

But I was checking the score pretty obsessively. And to me, it was over when Terrific Bass doinked that extra point. You cannot give up a single point to this opponent. You certainly can’t settle for three when they can score seven in the time it takes you to line up for a field goal. Certainly not when you’re already behind.

I said I wanted no part of Cleveland, and I got my wish. They were one bad rule and one noncall away from beating KC last weekend. And I never said, but was thinking, that I wanted no part of Tampa, for all of the heartbreak that would be predicted, and probably realized, from having to face Voldemort (speaking of) one more time.

Both KC and Tampa are on our road schedule next year. Watch, those will be our first two games of the year.

There’s probably a much better chance now that KC will lose its OC than we are to lose our DC. And at least a third of you just went, “WTF does that mean?"

Do pitchers and catchers still report in three weeks? I’m ready to move onto that. #MetsMafia

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Meanwhile, the Bernies continue to appear everywhere. My favorite of the day came from Suzanne Vega, riffing on perhaps her biggest hit:



It needed lyrics. I gave it some:

Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo

I am sitting in the morning
Out at Joe's inauguration
It is cold but day is dawning
On a new administration

And the pompous politicians
In their suits and fancy dresses
They are masked and social distanced
But they're freezing off their buns

Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo

But then suddenly I see him
Not a fancy dignitary
But an old man in a winter coat
And a handmade pair of mittens

He has got a yellow envelope
But we don't know what's inside it
And I hear him mutter something
About "Medicare for All"

Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo

And then Joe heads off the dais
To his new official duties
But the man in coat and mittens
Just starts rapid multiplying

He is showing up in paintings
And in tv shows and movies
Foreign countries, distant planets
But he never says he's cold

Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo....