Not even gonna read the stories....

because they couldn't possibly be as good as the headlines, reprinted here verbatim:

Woman stung by scorpion in box

Didn't I once see Colonel Flagg order a box of these on MASH?

Man who shot his penis gets protection order

From himself?

And those were next to one another on the home page. I'm almost afraid to click ahead to the sports section.

Another Big Heapin' Bowl of The Stupid

Famed Not-a-Witch Christine O'Donnell walked off a CNN interview last night because the host dared ask her questions about positions not being covered by her current book:

Watch on YouTube

Gawsh, doesn't she just reek of Dolores Umbridge? I half expect Piers to have walked off the set and found a burning scar reading I MUST NOT READ QUESTIONS OFF THE TALKING POINTS.

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In other news, I am virtually certain that Christine AND Dolores would have walked out of the 7th episode of Miracle Day. Christ approving of men loving each other?!? The horror!

Even more horrible, though, is that I'm even more certain that RTD Rickrolled me at the end of its 46th minute. Once again, I've been suckered without use of actual music.

I like these turns of events, though. Let's see if next week maintains the mo.