I had no idea witches' tits were so cold.

Greetings from Insomnia, New York, where I spent a good two hours in a no-good-reason wakeful state from midnight to two. Finally, I remembered. We have a set-back thermostat, which in this weather gets set back to the Ice Age on account of the shit insulation in this house.

Even the cat (the only one not now imprisoned at night) was curled into the crook of my arm instead of resting triumpantly, as she usually does, with her ass atop my ass. Anything for warmth, these animals.

I overrode the program, listened to the sound of forced air coming through the ducts, and was back to sleep, seemingly, just in time to wake up again.

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Yet I do not stand as the lone representative of stupid people. Thankfully, I have a never-ending supply of help.

Heard this one on my way home from yesterday's Experience from Hell Huh?:

Sacramento radio station fires DJs for "contest" ending in death-by-overhydration of contestant

She was one of about 18 contestants who tried to win a Nintendo Wii gaming console early Friday by seeing how much water they could drink without going to the bathroom. The show's DJs called the contest "Hold your Wee for a Wii."

Even without this incident's tragic ending, it was still a monumental case of the stupids, since it was less than two years ago that a California frat boy died of similar treatment by his "brothers" during a hazing ritual.

Sadly, the concept is not entirely alien to people I know, either. A long-ago business contact of mine, who ran a bar in a college neighborhood, once ran a promotion he cleverly named "The Drain Game," in which everyone drank for free until someone in the bar "had to go." Talk about irresistable forces and immovable objects. He never asked me for advice on that stunt- I saw the ad in the weekly paper the same time everyone else did- but at least someone got to his brain, since I only saw it once.

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Former NASCAR driver, now 72, plans comeback at Daytona 500

It took Jim Rome all of five seconds yesterday to top anything I could say about that: that since the race is in Florida, won't it be dangerous for him to be driving on the track in the left lane at 25 miles an hour with his left blinker constantly on?

Answer: no, because Florida law requires old men to wear hats while driving so you can see when one's ahead of you.

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Finally, since stupidity is always a work in progress (or, if you prefer, a moving target that won't stand still long enough to be shot at), I commend to you this countdown, linked to me by my old newspaper bud Hart Seely, of the 40 leading contenders for the AHOY! award:

Asshole of the Year!

It starts at the bottom, fittingly enough, with the 36-to-40 entries, the remainder to follow over the 12 Days of AHOY. See if you can guess the winners from their entry titles:

36.        FAUX PA

37 (tie). OFF THE GRID

37 (tie). THE WRATH OF CON

39 (tie). ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK

39 (tie). HERBIE THE LOVE DRUG

I promise. Only the highlights (or lowlights, I suppose) will be repeated after this. But go. RSS the feed. It's always worth it.

My kinda meme.... the kind unpemided by the thought process:)

(from Someone via princesskraehe)

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