![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'm With Stupid II: Electric Boogaloo
Dec. 17th, 2009 06:01 pmAs I waited for my three new tires (don't ask) to get put on my car today, I got to the following line in Joe Queenan's latest book (which I'm enjoying immensely, even if it is cutting a little too close to the bone):
[The United States] is a country that has never been in any danger of running out of cretins.
I offer the following evidence in support of Joe's proposition:
1) At the very second that I reached that line in the book, the perpetually-on television in the tire store waiting room was tuned to Fox News- and, despite finding two different remotes laying about, that channel could not be changed, or the set turned off or even down.
2) Despite their being hopelessly, if not yet mathematically, eliminated from yet another post-season, the Bills continue to make news in all kinds of dysfunctional ways.
-2A: Having suffered more injuries to the offensive line than the contents of a Lenny Bruce concert, Da Bills signed a lineman waived earlier in the week by the even more pitiful St. Louis Rams. His name is Richie Incognito. I swear I am not making this up.
-2B: Yet, that isn't even the most cretinous part. No, that would be the tweet sent out the other day by yet another injured Bills player, the immortal Kawika Mitchell, who apparently had run-ins with ol' Richie-Cent in some previous incarnation. Behold the bird-age:
( Cut for all'y'all's ::koff:: fragile sensibilities )
I can't even count the consonants which feel the same way about Kawika's use of the English language.
-2C: You don't even have to be employed by the Bills to get your balls, um, something'd by them. Witness poor Cameron Pettigrew, a Dallas-Fort Worth financial poobah who got fired by Fidelity Investments for IM'ing about fantasy football while at work. The subject of the damning evidence? Underperforming Bills QB Trent Edwards.
"One of my buddies sent me something about how bad Trent Edwards was playing or something like that," Pettigrew said. "So they called me in and talked to me for about 90 minutes on everything I ever knew about fantasy football. They interrogated me as though I was some sort of international gambling kingpin. Then they released me for the day, and I was like, 'OK.’ I never thought they’d fire me for this, but, the next day, I get the call saying I had been terminated."
Don't know about you, but as far as I'm concerned, anyone who would draft THAT loser for his fantasy team, or discuss his prospects, shouldn't be within 100 yards of managing anybody else's money.
Off to root for the Colts to beat the Jags tonight, if only to give the Bills the chance to cap off their perfect 16-0 season three Sundays from now.
[The United States] is a country that has never been in any danger of running out of cretins.
I offer the following evidence in support of Joe's proposition:
1) At the very second that I reached that line in the book, the perpetually-on television in the tire store waiting room was tuned to Fox News- and, despite finding two different remotes laying about, that channel could not be changed, or the set turned off or even down.
2) Despite their being hopelessly, if not yet mathematically, eliminated from yet another post-season, the Bills continue to make news in all kinds of dysfunctional ways.
-2A: Having suffered more injuries to the offensive line than the contents of a Lenny Bruce concert, Da Bills signed a lineman waived earlier in the week by the even more pitiful St. Louis Rams. His name is Richie Incognito. I swear I am not making this up.
-2B: Yet, that isn't even the most cretinous part. No, that would be the tweet sent out the other day by yet another injured Bills player, the immortal Kawika Mitchell, who apparently had run-ins with ol' Richie-Cent in some previous incarnation. Behold the bird-age:
( Cut for all'y'all's ::koff:: fragile sensibilities )
I can't even count the consonants which feel the same way about Kawika's use of the English language.
-2C: You don't even have to be employed by the Bills to get your balls, um, something'd by them. Witness poor Cameron Pettigrew, a Dallas-Fort Worth financial poobah who got fired by Fidelity Investments for IM'ing about fantasy football while at work. The subject of the damning evidence? Underperforming Bills QB Trent Edwards.
"One of my buddies sent me something about how bad Trent Edwards was playing or something like that," Pettigrew said. "So they called me in and talked to me for about 90 minutes on everything I ever knew about fantasy football. They interrogated me as though I was some sort of international gambling kingpin. Then they released me for the day, and I was like, 'OK.’ I never thought they’d fire me for this, but, the next day, I get the call saying I had been terminated."
Don't know about you, but as far as I'm concerned, anyone who would draft THAT loser for his fantasy team, or discuss his prospects, shouldn't be within 100 yards of managing anybody else's money.
Off to root for the Colts to beat the Jags tonight, if only to give the Bills the chance to cap off their perfect 16-0 season three Sundays from now.