Judah Judah Judah!

As if Disney and the Cameron Mackintosh Organisation hadn't found a way to adapt virtually everything else to the Broadway and West End boards, a Brit friend reports that Ben Hur is now being staged, beginning in London, complete with live chariot races and real horses.

How is this NOT a very bad idea?, she asks. 

Only one thing could be worse, I reply:

Ben Hur Live with chariot races and real horses- The Musical.

Naturally, I've begun work on this.  Some can be simple adaptations- adding lyrics to Vangelis's Chariots of Fire music, working out some new lyrics with the Michael Jackson estate for the obvious title song ("Ben, no challenger will be here testin'/You, who were once played by Charlton Heston...."), but we really need that act-ending showstopper. The one Betty Buckley was born to sing.

Coming right up:

When Christ was born
There was a Roman empire
Its armies conquered all the West

But all those plebes
Needed some entertainment
So Caesar decreed a race was best

Horse
Racing horse
Reachin' out
Comin' in
By a nose!

Sweet Chariot!
Swinging low to the finish line
What idiot
Writes a show tune based on Sweet
Car
O
Line?

And instead of wine and sweets at intermission, what better choice than heapin' trays of Alpo?