I drank the Kool-Aid a long time ago, and do everything paperlessly. All of my bills are either automatically paid from my checking account, or I log in to the bank's billpayer site or the credit card site and authorize an EFT. If you send me a paper check, I deposit it electronically, write VOID across it, and hand it back to you. I am thoroughly modern.

KAYAMA
(picking up a derby)
It's called a bowler hat.
I have no wife.
The swallow flying through the sky
Is not as swift as I
Am, flying through my life.
You pour the milk before the tea.
The Dutch ambassador is no fool.
I must remember that.

I wear a bowler hat.
They send me wine.
The house is far too grand.
I've bought a new umbrella stand.
Today I visited the church beside the shrine.
I'm learning English from a book.
Most exciting.
It's called a bowler hat.

(bringing out a watch)
It's called a pocket watch.
I have a wife.
No eagle flies against the sky
As eagerly as I
Have flown against my life.
One smokes American cigars.
The Dutch ambassador was most rude.
I will remember that.

I wind my pocket watch.
We serve white wine.
The house is far too small.
I killed a spider on the wall.
One of the servants thought it was a lucky sign.
I read Spinoza every day.
Formidable.
Where is my bowler hat?

(putting a monocle to his eye)
It's called a monocle.
I've left my wife.
No bird exploring in the sky
Explores as well as I
The corners of my life.
One must keep moving with the times.
The Dutch ambassador is a fool.
He wears a bowler hat.

(putting on a pair of glasses)
They call them spectacles.
I drink much wine.
I have a house up in the hills
I've hired British architects to redesign.
One must accomodate the times
As one lives them.
One must remember that.

(holding up a tailcoat)
It's called a cutaway …